What to REALLY expect when you're expecting...

It's sad that women feel the need to lie about how their pregnancy was for them. I've heard women say how joyful it was, how they loved every moment. And then they read my blog and admitted that what they had previously said was utter bollocks and that their pregnancy was the same as mine. They just felt under pressure from friends, family and midwives to have the perfect pregnancy and anything other than perfect was not allowed. How they felt ashamed to say how it really was because they should be blessed that they're able to have children. And I completely agree with that last part. For all my moans and groans, deep down inside I do feel blessed. I just refuse to be pressured into pretending this has been wonderful because it's been hell.

I said from the start I wasn't going to sugar coat it so if you're squeamish or don't want to know how pregnancy has really affected me, DO NOT read on...

The hardest part was the morning sickness. It didn't hit me until I was about six weeks into the pregnancy and although I was never sick, the nausea was overwhelming. There were days when I couldn't get out of bed, it was worse than any hangover and I have experienced hangovers that not even the most hardcore of drinkers could handle. I couldn't eat except for dry crackers and the odd banana and no matter how much water I drank, I still ended up in hospital with a water infection and dehydration at eight weeks.

That settled down at fourteen weeks and was replaced with the constant need to pee. There were nights where I'd get up no less than sixteen times (no exaggeration) and of course this was followed by severe tiredness the next day. I'm a huge fan of sleep and from week fourteen it was all over for me. It's been broken sleep ever since.

Week sixteen saw a quick fall down the stairs which woke the baby up. Since then she's been kicking off for the majority of her stay inside, it's only now that she's started to limit her violence to a few times a day.

Then there's the wind (burps and bum noises), the constipation, piles, nosebleeds, more tiredness, extreme grumpiness, tourettes (yes my swearing was bad before but now....jeez) which includes wanting to tell everyone to fuck off, the inability to put on your shoes/tie your laces/paint your toenails, sneezing and wetting yourself (yes, I've been doing my pelvic exercises), waking up feeling like you've been kicked in the ladyparts, the dizziness, being prodded by the midwife, the internal exams (that fucking duck beak), blood tests, spots, runny nose, people assuming you're ill just because you're pregnant, the phrase 'you haven't got long left', catching yourself waddling, not being able to eat chocolate mousse, indigestion and heartburn, massive boobs, sore ribs......sob, I could go on forever.

But then I have yet to experience childbirth although I'm not sure, in fact I'm adamant that I won't be experiencing pregnancy again...
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