Valentines? What is that?

Today I feel like a complete lump. On a day that focuses on love and the other business, I couldn't be less sexy or in the mood for being a loving wife if you paid me (yes, I know that's prostitution). Backache, stomach cramps, heavy boobs, sore ribs and the feeling that my uterus might just fall out put me in the mood for a number of things: a hot bath, a vodka tonic, some strong painkillers, a foot rub and a hot water bottle. Hardly romantic or sexy.

I tried to practise sexy this morning: I pouted and did a burp, started strutting and ended up waddling, sprayed perfume in my eye, seductively ate a banana that gave me heartburn and ended up settling for a huge pair of granny pants and the most unflattering bra I have ever seen.

Someone please tell me how sexy works when you're nearly eight months pregnant?

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