EXPLICIT POST: Time to get a body like a Pussycat doll.

Tonight I went to body conditioning class. I've never been one for exercise but since having Lil I am determined to get a body that would make Heidi Klum jealous (I know, will NEVER happen but a girl can dream).

I was going to leave it until I felt 100% better but tonight I had the urge to get all hot and sweaty. Now this may have had something to do with the fact that earlier I watched Ryan Gosling for two hours but unless I tried it, I would never know.

So off I went thinking that it would be easy, I've never been to body conditioning before. It sounds quite relaxing doesn't it? When you condition your hair, it's relaxing. Naturally I thought the same about the class. WRONG. I can be very deluded.

The last time I exercised was when I ran for the train in June 2010. I was on my way to my leaving drinks at my old job. I then spent five hours exercising my right arm (glass to lips) my mouth (chatting non stop) and my abs (laughing) so I knew it would be challenging to even spend five minutes at this class but body conditioning is relaxing remember, so it wouldn't be too hard. WRONG AGAIN.

After four minutes I was sweating and gasping for water. How the fuck was I supposed to get through the next 56? Concentrate Charlotte. Body conditioning is a hardcore class and I was in a room full of women at level two.

Lifts and squats and lunges. The only way I was going to get to the end of this without passing out was by imagining Ryan Gosling lifting me up to pull me on top of him. Naked. And then he would lunge at me. You get the picture...

I got through the class. By the end of it, I had done some pretty explicit things to Ryan. In the rain. In the bedroom. That dirty boy wore me out. I am going to ache in the morning.

And I'm certainly going back for more next week...

The penguin dance.

As Lil gets older she gets boreder (I know that isn't a word). I'm finding it increasingly hard to keep her entertained, especially when she's having her breakfast. So this morning I came up with a new way to keep her amused while she's eating.

The penguin dance.

You do what it says on the box, dance like a penguin. There I was this morning, dancing around the kitchen like a penguin while she was chomping away on her breakfast. She ate it all and she laughed. Which, in turn, made my day better.

The things we do for our kids, huh?

Try it. You'll find yourself smiling.

SHOPPING: Luxury things for Mumma.

I was in bed last night feeling sorry for myself (I have 'Mumma flu' - well, if men get to have 'Man flu' then I think as a Mum I get a specialist type of flu, too) and uncomfortable in my cheap pyjamas and itchy socks. This just wouldn't do.

As a Mumma, I always put Lil first ('Would she want me to have this bag? It would make me happy which, in turn, would make her happy') and my Husband comes in second (Ah, I'll tell him I found it in the back of the wardrobe and that it's vintage). I very rarely think of myself these days but last night I decided that if I'm going to be selfless and ill, I should do it in style.

So how convenient then that I should stumble upon Charlotte & Co.

Born in 2006 to the co-founder of Myla, Charlotte set up her business selling luxury nightwear and loungewear. Mum + style is her mission and it's safe to say it's been accomplished.

This is what I shall be wearing next time I find myself sick with 'Mumma flu'...

Hottie Wheat Cushion £9

Go take a look at the website here.

So whether you're a Mum or not, everyone deserves to be wrapped up in luxury when they're sick. Go on, it's nearly Christmas...

All images from Charlotte & Co.


I have decided to delete myself from Facebook but I've created a page for my blog over there.

Go like it, if you like it, here.

SHOPPING: Cool things for Bubbas room.

If, like me, you're not a fan of babyish things for your baby then you'll love this.

Image from BODIE and FOU

A great night light/bedside table lamp and piece of art for bubbas bedroom (or maybe even your own!)

White Rabbit Lamp (and more amazingness) available here from BODIE and FOU - they ship worldwide! And sign up to their E-news and receive 10% off your order each month.

You can also find them on Twitter and Facebook.

Happy Shopping x

Mumma flu

I got Mumma flu ain't I. I'm not sure Mumma flu is a real illness but I got it anyway.

It would appear the last five and a half months have started to take their toll and my body is slowly shutting down. Gah.

Obviously it isn't really appropriate what with being a Mum (apparently). You're not allowed to be sick. I have to take Lil to get weighed tomorrow plus I have a ton of other stuff on until the weekend and then I'm entertaining on Saturday night and want to go out on Sunday so when do I have time to be ill?

What I need is a mute button, some baby sleeping pills and 12 hours of peace and quiet.

Chance would be a fine thing...

Mothers Meeting Feature

For those that follow my blog but don't follow me on Twitter, I was recently featured on the coolest website for Mums - Mothers Meeting.

Go take a look at my top five baby sites and while you're there have a look around the website. Full of cool Mummas, cute babies and a ton of inspiration.


A patchwork quilt I don't want to be sick on.

Those that know me or have followed me from afar know that I ain't down with all the baby shit. I hate baby pink, teddybear embroidery and pretty flowers on socks. I'm all for babies being babies but I refuse to dress Lil like a cutesy little thing because she isn't one. The same goes for all of her belongings.

I was trawling the internet trying to find a patchwork quilt that didn't have animals or trains or flowers on because she like to laze about on the floor doing her own thing so I wanted something that looked nice. In the end I found one on ebay and instead of it looking like something I'd want to be sick on, it was really cool.

Claire, who I purchased the quilt from, handmakes everything she sells. She has other varieties of the patchwork quilts including a cute cupcake version and is also about to start selling baby blankets. Finally someone who can cater for mine and Lil's tastes (but mainly mine) and doesn't charge an absolute fortune.

If you're interested, go take a look on eBay (seller: madrags) or contact her on madrags01@yahoo.co.uk

Back in town.

We're back from our holiday. I'm browner and a have lost a little bit more of my sanity.

Here is a quick run down of Lil's first trip abroad:

She screamed as we waited to board the plane and then zonked for the entire flight (major relief), teethed like a mother fucker, had screaming fits, wouldn't let herself fall asleep, enjoyed the shade and the cool breeze that came with the glorious hot weather, loved the swimming pool, got a cold, helped herself to some cucumber, decided that she didn't like travelling in the car and screamed herself to sleep, caught the attention of lots of old Spanish ladies, said no a few times, ate some watermelon, got hooked on beer (my grandad's fault - 'it never did you any harm...'), teethed some more, kept me busy rolling around and sitting up unaided, screamed and then bit my finger which is when I realised that the reason she had been a complete cow for a week was because her tooth had cut through.

And then she screamed for a large part of the flight home. I resisted opening the emergency exit and throwing her out.

So now we're home. She really was quite well behaved for most of the time. I'm exhausted.

Never again.


I love Lilian. I love her to death.

I don't, however, love her tantrums and her screaming and her scratching and her baby sick all down my nice new swimming costume. I don't like how I can't just do things on a whim anymore because she needs her dinner or her stinky butt changing.

In short: babies suck.

After reading Caitlin Moran's 'How To Be A Woman' I feel I can be honest with you all about my feelings towards having a baby.

Like I said, I love the kid to death. But if I was to be born all over again and grow up and be me I'd not have a baby (just let me stress here - I WOULD NOT CHANGE LIL FOR THE WORLD NOT EVEN A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CHANEL). I'm too selfish. I realise that now, sitting in the shade with the baby, giving stares of death to everyone sunbathing or splashing about in the pool. I want to be getting tanned or off my (somewhat droopy) tits on sangria. But I have responsibilities now, no more whimsical little me.

But on the plus side (I guess), in 5 years time when she can just sod off to the hotel kids club I can just sod off to the bar and get (semi) sloshed on sangria.

Swings and roundabouts.


Me and Lil are off on our jollies tomorrow.

I still haven't finished packing and have a ton of stuff left to get but I'm feeling under the weather so it'll have to wait.

To be honest I'm dreading our trip, she's difficult at the best of times so I'm worried about how she'll be on the plane plus my Nan has a fear of flying (we're going with my grandparents and one of my sisters) so we'll both be in panic mode...

I guess if it's that bad I can just put some whiskey in Lil's milk, right?


Gifts from 'merica.

I know, my thoughts exactly. No bag.

Just Me and Her: Ain't happening again.

Daddy is back. But he may as well not be for the all the difference it made to Lil's mood today.

She was in a grump when she woke up and then at 10am, just after he walked through the door, she created. After all sorts of trying to calm her down, we took her out for a drive and she finally went to sleep for an hour but not after a nervous breakdown.

I never got round to the manicure and facial I promised myself. I did, however, get round to eating half a large bag of peanut butter m&m's (glad I didn't get bikinis for holiday) so tomorrow I will need the facial even more.

They tell you it's hard but I really wasn't prepared for today. Bloody teething.

Just Me And Her: Day Four.

Broken doesn't even begin to cover it.

The husbands absence has made me realise just how heavily I depend on him. I'm exhausted. My skin is horrific, I can't concentrate, my eyes are dry and I have a sore throat. Waving the white flag, Lilian wins.

From now on if he has to go away for more than two nights, we're going with him.

I simply don't have the energy to write anything more...

That girl is mine.

As daddy is away for a few days playing boss man in Chicago, Lil and I have had some special bonding time (read: her throwing tantrums, screaming, scratching, pinching, pulling hair, giving evils. Me: crying, yawning, eating crap and drinking wine).

It's been great (stressful). I've managed extremely well on my own (not coped at all). We've had fun (not enjoyed it).

We have tomorrow left and then he's back (HALLELUJAH).

But in all seriousness, it's taught me a lot. I'm more patient to start with. I couldn't just palm her off on him and go for a bath, I've embraced her tantrums (not had much choice) watched her for the longest time and realised that she's the most wonderful little nightmare ever (i've always known she's wonderful just never realised HOW MUCH of a nightmare).

I've had really bad baby blues for the last few months but now it's gone I am overwhelmed with just how madly I'm in love with her (I was always in love with her but the enormity of it has smacked me in the face). There is so much of me that I see in her! Tantrums, strops, pouting. I see more and more of it every day. She really is mine, isn't she?! It's finally sunk in that this isn't a dream (sometimes a nightmare), she is MY little monster.

Milf Boots.

I have some new (not baby friendly) boots. I'm calling them my MILF boots.

Five and a half inches of pure sex.

Just Me And Her: Day Three.

Waaaaah I'm so tired.

The little monster decided she wouldn't go to sleep at her normal time, instead she went three hours later. And then she woke at two thirty for a feed and got up just before six so you can imagine the size of my eyebags this morning.

She has been a grump today, her teeth are really playing up. Bright red cheeks, excessive dribble and constant chomping on Sophie (the giraffe) and her fingers. My skin has broken out (lack of sleep, lots of stress and probably too much cake), my c-section scar hurts and my eyes sting. So we're not much fun.

Two days left and the husband will be home. With a rather substantial present for me. If he knows what's good for him...

Just Me And Her: Day Two.

I have a headache.

She woke at 2:30 this morning for a feed and didn't go back to sleep until 4 and then got up at six. She's screamed, kicked, thrown a tantrum, pulled my hair and now she is grizzling.

I've resisted calling my husband to curse down the phone at him. Instead, I am sulking.

It is nearly time for me to give her a bath. Except I don't have a straight jacket to put her in. There is no wine in the fridge. I'm tired.

Roll on day three...

Just Me And Her: Day One.

Today his Highness jetted off to Chicago leaving me, quite literally, holding the baby.

I keep telling myself it will be fine but the day ain't over yet. I still have the night feeds to get through plus the early start tomorrow (this morning she woke up at 5am). Anyone that knows me will know I need my sleep. I'd rather go without new shoes and get eight hours. I know.

The Grandparents brought dinner over (they know I only eat chocolate when left to my own devices) which was nice and the kid behaved herself. She's now asleep for the night (I hope).

I have a ton of respect for single parents, they do this every day. How my Mum did it with three of us I'll never know.

Better do some housework while she's sleeping. Except there's chocolate in the cupboard and wine in the fridge...