Tonight I had dinner with my Dad and the man I married. Two men that I don't care much for right now. Whilst one sat there and ripped me apart for voicing my feelings, the other sat there and let them do it. And do you know what one of the main themes running through this argument was? Sexism.
Now I agree everyone can be sexist every now and then so I feel like it's my turn, you can blame it on the hormones or you can not. I don't really give a shit. I'm going to say it anyway and you can like it or leave it.
For the last eight months or so, I have carried a baby. I have given up my body, which is a totally selfless act (for me anyway, seeings as I used to be the most selfish person I knew), and taken everything Mother Nature has thrown at me. Alright, I have moaned about it but I feel I am entitled to seeings as I've decided to do something as big as this and anyway, it really hasn't been easy. Now please tell me, do you think a man could ever understand what it is a woman goes through when she's pregnant? They can read about it and bear the brunt of the mood swings but they can never know how it really feels to be pregnant. When I wasn't paralysed with morning sickness in bed, I was trying to find the energy to live. When I wasn't in hospital with a water infection or having a doctor or midwife prod me to the point where I thought I was going to pass out, I was sat on the stairs sobbing because the old me had died and I felt so alone. Some days I'd think about going to the shops to buy a bottle of vodka, on others I'd look at baby clothes on the Internet and go all fuzzy inside. A few times I wished I'd never met the man whose baby I was carrying. I thought about jumping in front of train, running away and sometimes just not being pregnant anymore. My hormones were all over the place, they still are.
Some people will say that I was 'off my head' before I was pregnant and that may be so, but don't tell me I need to see a shrink when I'm five weeks away from my due date and completely petrified that this baby is going to change my life so much that I drown in fear. And don't fucking sit there and let that person say it. How about you wrap me up in cotton wool? No? What, don't I deserve it? Do I deserve to feel like this then? I gave up the lifestyle I was quite happily engrossed in because I fell pregnant. I said goodbye to a huge part of my life and what do I get in return? A foot rub? Not having to cook for one night? Help with the hoovering? Why don't you fuck off. If a man really knew what it felt like to be pregnant, to wrestle with your hormones everyday, to use all your strength not to tell everyone to go to hell, they certainly wouldn't ask you if you wanted a foot rub.
This brings me on to a very controversial and sexist point - Women are superior to men. Make of that what you will, burn me at the stake. But I'd like to see a man survive nine months of pregnancy, get mocked because of your raging hormones and be offered a foot rub...
P.S Asking if you can bring your pregnant wife anything will only be answered with a) Jude Law, b) a divorce or c) some forceps.
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