Here you go:
"Just six weeks to go before you reach your due date, so you should be aware that studies have shown that daily perineal massage is most effective in helping pre-stretch and prepare your perineal tissues for birth if started six weeks before birth. Just five to ten minutes each day can help to lower the chance of you needing an episiotomy or tearing during the pushing stage of labour, so at 34 weeks it's truly time to trim your thumbnails and stop procrastinating!"
I have read about this before but the bit that made me laugh was 'It's truly time to trim your thumbnails and stop procrastinating!' Ahahahahahahahah! I'm off to trim my nails! (That is a joke)