U turn

Knowing that if everything is not as it seems and she needs to come early is quite scary. I know I've been willing her to come out for the last....er...forever, but hearing about the consequences of having a baby that may not be growing properly has made everything so real.

Of course it could be utter nonsense, I mean how on earth can you determine that by a tape measure? I do hope everything is fine and dandy and she's just being awkward (she is my daughter after all) and curling herself up. I thought I was ready for her but I'm sooooooo not ready.

This could be my last night as 'me' (I'll always be me, I'll just be me with a child) or my last weekend to just laze about eating cake. I might go into labour tomorrow or have a scan and learn that I need to be induced the next day.

What I'm trying to say is, it's all just hit me. 'What the fuck have I done' mixed in with 'oh my god I'm going to be someone's Mum' with a whole load of 'I'm going to be responsible for this baby when I can't even be responsible for myself' followed by sheer excitement and a lot panicking.

In an ideal world (yes I just said that) I have three weeks left (and that). If she's not the weight she should really be then I guess she'll have to come sooner. I just hope her violence is a sign that no matter how big or small she is, she's a healthy little monster.

Funny how the table has turned...

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