After a night of no sleep thanks to The Snoring Pig and The Violent Child I find myself in a shitty mood today, unsurprisingly. With my tearaway brother inhabiting the spare room I let the husband back into our bed when really I should have sent him straight to the sofa. With all the extra body heat in the bed, I found myself boiling for the majority of the night and was super restless which in turn fucked The Violent Child off so she made sure I knew that I was keeping her awake.

Today I am going for lunch with my two favourite people, my psycho mother and senile grandmother, which should cheer me up seeings as they're two of the loosest canons on the planet. My Nan likes to tap dance in the kitchen and tell my Grandad to 'fuck off' at least once a day (I think this is where I inherited my potty mouth) and my Mum (the most infuriating person I know) can't help but smile and laugh even when she's not happy because it makes everyone else feel better. So I'm sure lots of laughs will be had today.

Let's see if they can laugh me into labour...

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