Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction and a blonde beard

The reason it has been rather painful to just exist for the past few days is because I have Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. Walking, sitting, going up the stairs, lifting things etc have all caused me great pain. I googled it and had it confirmed by the doctor today.

For those of you that don't know what it is, here is some information on SPD:

'Many pregnant women find walking and other weight-bearing movement difficult or uncomfortable at some time during pregnancy, but some pregnant women experience recurring pain and mobility problems caused by a condition known as Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, or SPD, a fairly common pregnancy-related condition in which the pelvic joints become unstable, causing mild to severe pain. The pain of SPD can be incapacitating, and in the worst cases you may need to rely on crutches, a walking frame or a even a wheelchair.'

So that is why I've been in absolute agony. I was prescribed Co-codamol and plenty of rest and told to keep my legs closed (like I'm ever going to open them ever again???). However, I wasn't given crutches, a walking frame or a wheelchair and I still haven't decided if I'm pleased about this or not. Ironing and hoovering is out of the question (damn) according to the doctor. The only real cure is to give birth. You don't say. This baby has caused nothing but trouble from day one and I want her out.

To make matters worse, my blonde beard is getting longer by the day (I don't remember if I mentioned it before). For someone as arrogant and vain as myself this is hardly a good thing. I just hope the fucking thing falls out once I've given birth.