Can I have my marbles back please?

I seemed to have lost them somewhere around August 2008. My hormones appear to have gone AWOL too.

You see, I'm broody again. I think it's a mixture of a few of my friends getting pregnant/giving birth that's done it. And the fact that Lil isn't really a baby anymore.

Before I got pregnant I was whimsical to say the least. I've had to curb it quite a bit since then, for obvious reasons. I'd all of a sudden decide something and then seconds later I would have gone through with it. I'm just not that kinda girl anymore (much to my husbands relief...it got costly). Or maybe I am?

The last few days I've been thinking about baby number two a lot. Even more so after reading Abigails post. I don't want another one. I do want another one. The time isn't right, maybe next year. Why not now? Lil has been an absolute nightmare today, I can't handle two of that. I really want another baby... And on it goes.

I think what I really miss is being pregnant, even though it was hell most of the time. I remember the good days, at around five and a half months for two months or so, when I felt great (I didn't look it). I miss the bump, her hiccups, watching her move around in my belly while I was in the bath. I miss our secrets, our private world nobody else was invited in to.

Lil takes the photo albums from the shelf and sits and looks at pictures of herself (bit narcissistic) and kisses the pictures of the 'baba'. It hurts my ovaries, she'd be such a good big sister (albeit a very bossy, controlling one). I think it's a sign...

And then I stop myself.

I couldn't go through it again. The worry. I need to get to twelve weeks. Phew, everything is ok. Anomaly scan.... ok, all is good. A knock, a fall, sent me into the worst panic. No movement all day and I'd be terrified. A pregnancy is physically and emotionally exhausting (and mentally, according to Tim), throw that and a toddler in to the mix.....

But Alice is about to do it. Ruth does it. Emma is pregnant with number two. Jenny has two boys. No biggie, right? RIGHT?! Kaisa has THREE!

I mean, how hard can it be?

(No Mum...I'm not pregnant)



12 comments:

  1. Haha I totally got a lecture from my mum after she read my post! But yeh as you know I'm completely in the same boat as you, it's constantly on my mind and I'm constantly weighing up the pros and cons! Think perhaps it's best just to leave it to fate and see what happens for us!

    But glad I'm Not the only one going mad and wanting another! X

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    1. No you're not the only one and I'm with you on the whole fate thing. Let's see what happens...! x

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  2. I think I am mental.

    If it helps, as physically awful as being pregnant this time around has been, mentally it's been a breeze compared to last time. There has been nowhere near the level of worry and concern I had last time, I suppose because I'm preoccupied with E.xx

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    1. You are mental. And no it doesn't help. x

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  3. I hope to god I don't ever feel broody again. I'm sure I will though, when the memories of the pregnancy, labour and Alessi's colicy spaz outs have faded to a rose tinted blur.

    I just hope that by the time that happens, we've won the lottery so I can afford that live-in nanny. ;) XX

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    1. I never thought I would and then BAM. I think we're programmed to slowly forget all the crap stuff (although sometimes it does come back). But a live in 24/7 Nanny would be UHMAYZIN. If only...

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  4. Love this exactly how I was before I got prego with Hugo now I wouldn't have my life any other way - although that's it I'm done couldn't go through it all again or could I? ;) xxx

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    1. Hahahahahaha! Do it, do it, do it!

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  5. Mine's 3 weeks so not exactly broody again yet. Can totally see how it happens though. Although the pregnancy related stress is all too fresh for me to do it again yet.

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    1. I've seen the pictures....GAWJUS! The pregnancy related stress turns into teething stress and crawling stress and sleepless night stress, it goes on and on and on. But still... I want another! x

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  6. This sums up how I feel a lot too and I've already got two. I seriously think I'm going mad, I keep telling myself there is NO WAY I can let it happen (time ain't on my side)... and yet... the thoughts keep sneaking in.

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    1. Go with it. You ain't old! Let fate decide! If you do it then I will. Deal?

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