Lilian. I don't remember what life was like before her (not entirely true - it was a string of drunken nights, hungover mornings and a hell of a lot of headfucking) and I certainly cannot begin to imagine what life would be like without her.

Go get your sick bucket...

I've watched her closely today, wasted quite a bit of time just watching and drinking up her every move. She has made me realise how precious time is and how I don't want to waste a waking moment. She is my whole world. If the planet imploded and all that was left was me and Lil on a tiny island, well that would be ok with me.

Before her I was a selfish wreck. I didn't care who I hurt or hurled drunken abuse at. I enjoyed falling down the stairs or through the door completely steaming. I laughed at my sprained ankle or broken toe, it was all a joke to me. But now I see I was a huge great fool and it was all an act to cover up the hole in my heart.

That little monster has made me a better person. Now I have morals and reasoning and while I'm still an absolute nightmare when it comes to finances, I realise that I don't need the Mulberry bag I was promised on the operating table or the leopard print boots I'm craving or my wrinkles smoothed out with Botox. As long as I have a healthy, happy baby I don't need anything.

Because everything I write about fashion and what I want and the things I need - it's all words. All I need is her.

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