Today has been a bad day. One of those days where a crate of wine wouldn't go a miss.
I took Lilian to the shops and for about twenty minutes she was fine. And then she screamed. After forty five minutes she stopped and did a big poo. And then she screamed.
It gets worse.
She screamed while I tried to undress her and change her nappy and because she was wriggling so much it had gone all up her back. And then it went all over me. This was not how today was supposed to go.
Then she pinched my arm so hard I had to stop myself from throwing her in the nappy bin. I wanted to cry, being a Mum is shit when she's like this. It's not all lovely lunches while the babe sleeps or baking cakes while she sits in her highchair watching. It's fucking hard.
Sometimes I don't want to be a Mum. I feel bad for this even though I know everyone feels like it at times. And then she pulls a funny face and the guilt drowns me.
I miss my old life. I've got lost in my title again and it's about time I was Me for a bit.
Tonight I shall get drunk.