The night before Two.


Here we are, one year later. Hours after writing a letter to you on the eve of your first birthday, you became very poorly with gastroenteritis. We had to cancel your party and spent the next few days in a vomit drenched haze. And now here I am again, the day before your birthday and we've had to cancel your 2nd birthday party too. You have a nasty viral infection and my heart is broken once more. You little monkey, you certainly know how make me worry. I've had my heart in my mouth since day one.

In a way, not a lot has changed in the past year. Other than you and the fact that I am now more neurotic and anxious than I ever thought I could be. I love you more but then that isn't hard. Even when you kick me in my C-section scar (it still hurts sometimes) to remind me who's boss, I find it hard to stay mad (but that shit hurts so stop it). We still have the most amazing fun but you can speak a whole lot more now. I still watch you sleep, share my bed with you, sing to you...

Mental hair, don't care.

I've learnt a lot from you. You've taught me to curb my swearing (boy what a lesson to learn), to be more compassionate and forgiving (although I'm still struggling a bit with this one), that everything takes lots of hard work and that negativity is not something we want in our lives. I'm studying for a degree for you. I palmed it off as being for me but let's face it, that's bullshit. I want you to be proud of yo' Mama and even if it takes 12 years to complete, I ain't gonna quit. I want you to feel the proudness I feel of my Mum and I'll do anything I can to make you happy (yep, even stand in the Disney Store for an hour while you dance to the music).

The most important thing you've taught me, though, is that time will not stand still. Every second I'm with you, I soak you up. You consume me, every single part of me. I don't want to miss a moment because you are so special and you fill my life with a joy I never knew existed. I love that you keep me sane yet drive me up the wall. You are the reason I don't just exist, I live. And I love you to infinity.

Happy second birthday, beautiful girl, You're amazing xxxxx


  1. Beautiful (and i've suddenly got something in my eye)...

    Happy 2nd Birthday little lady, get well soon!

  2. Brought a tear to my eye Charlotte. The happiest of birthdays to your gorgeous girl!

    Kate x
    Just Pirouette and Carry On...

  3. oh lil! so grown up! I'm sorry to hear she's ill again, but hey if she keeps up the tradition at least you wont have to fork out loads of money in the future for expensive parties right?! (kidding hope she's not ill every year,poor thing!)

    love your words, very sweet! Hope you both have a wonderful day tomorrow!


  4. happy birthday Lil and get well soon!
    I hear you when you say that you're trying to make her proud of her mama, it is just the kind of stuff that consume me too. Curbing the swearing, embracing the mess or at least curbing my OCD tendencies, keeping out the negativity...these kids are the gift that keeps on giving.
    By the time they're 10 we'll be saints...or not!
    Get well soon Lil

  5. Such an eloquent post. Loved it. Happy birthday to your little girl and I hope she feels better soon.

  6. So lovely, hope she gets over the illness quickly. xx

  7. What a sweet little ode to your little darling! :)