This is me reiterating my feelings on motherhood and people who judge us for being mothers and doing our thing. Because it's an ongoing issue, an infuriating one. This is an indirect piece in case anyone thinks about throwing their toys out of their Bugaboo, it is aimed at nobody. It is something I've written, my opinion, just like you all have (and voice) yours.
When you become a mother, you open yourself up to a whole new world of judgement. You'll be criticised for the choices you make (bottle-feeding anyone? been there, got the t-shirt), the things you say, what you dress your children in, the food you feed them. It's just (an unsavoury) part of motherhood, you learn to suck it up because do you know what? Your kid, your choices. But people, women, they can be so fucking evil. Jumping on bandwagons, attacking other mums. I've written it before and I will continue to write it... shall we just leave each other the fuck alone and get on with our own lives?
There are new posts every week on different blogs about how we, as women and mothers, attack other women for the things they do. And posts reminding us to just live and let live. But do people take note? Some do, some don't. YES, you are entitled to your opinion. YES, you live in a world where you can say what the fuck you want! But what you need to realise is that your words can hurt people, truly hurt them. Your opinions, your judgement, can hurt people. Heck, I've probably written stuff in the past that has upset people, but if that's so, what I've written has never ever been to intentionally hurt people and I've never been pulled up on it. It's called being self-aware. I'm someone who will openly voice my opinions but I think there is a fine line between voicing them and judging other parenting methods, openly. Online for the world to see.
And it doesn't stop at blogging. It's on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. It can often be seen as a form of bullying. I've been bullied quite a bit in the past, not online, but in person. And it's the most gut-wrenching, awful feeling. And it hasn't always been direct bullying either, snidey comments in passing, others opinions that may have been voiced to get a reaction... I don't know, but either way they really fucking hurt. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, maybe that's why I got bullied...who knows. But what's more and more obvious online is that we aren't supporting other mums' decisions, regardless of whether or not we agree with them. We are bullying them. I don't agree with a lot of things I see or read but I keep it shut. Because what right do I have to criticise others? I don't know what they're truly going through, the past they've had, things they've experienced.
It feels like real life Mean Girls. But with grown adult women. Which is fucking pathetic. There is a very clear divide in the world of parenting blogs and it's a world I still dislike. I've questioned whether or not writing on here again is the right thing to do because it leaves me open to all that vile judgement that people seem to be spewing left, right and centre. But whatever, judge away mother fuckers.
Can we not all just get along? How does one mothers choices affect you? Really, come on now. If I decide not to breastfeed my second child, what will happen? Will I get a load of vitriol from pro-breastfeeding mums? I'm sure there are posts out there that state you are the work of the devil if you don't breastfeed, in fact I'm certain. But it's unnecessary. Let me find a good example... say, for instance, you decided to give your three year old a can of coke. I wouldn't give my three year old a can of coke, mainly because three sips of a fruit shoot and she's bouncing off the walls, but I also wouldn't write a post about how awful it is for another mother to do that because she can do what the hell she likes. If I saw her do it in the street, I wouldn't roll my eyes or think she was a terrible mother. Because if being a mum has taught me anything, it's that it is so god damn hard doing this job already without worrying about what anyone else is doing or having other people judge you for the shit you do. I don't have the time to judge someone else for the shit they do. I rarely get time to do a poo the whole time my daughter is running around like a nutter.
And no, I am absolutely not saying I'm perfect. I've judged, lord knows I've judged, but I've kept it to myself because what am I going to achieve in voicing those opinions? Other than making that person feel like utter shit, that is. And in turn, that will make me feel like shit. Because I'm not a nasty person (husband, stay outta this... it was HORMONES).
I wonder if we'll ever all be able to get along in this big old mental world of parenting, probably not. World peace is a loooooooong way off yet. But in the meantime, shall we just keep our traps shut and be there for each other? That person you're judging may have just suffered a loss, they might be in the deepest, darkest depths of depression. You don't know what shit they've gone through. Just like nobody really knows the shit you've gone through either. We don't all have to be BFF's, but lets not make this in to a horror version of Mean Girls.
We are better than this.