You look tired. Just don't. Ever.
You can't protect them from everything. No. But I can fucking well try.
It's not the nursery's fault. Regardless, I need someone to blame.
You should eat something. Mate, I'm full up from all that exhaustion and all I can taste is vomit and shit. I'll eat when I'm ready.
Why don't you have a nap? If I wanted a nap I'd be sleeping right now. I have a shit load of washing to do. No pun intended.
Calm down. Don't.
I'm ill / I feel rough / I think I've got it. Not interested. Try being a little person and being sick or the mother of that sick child who is slowly losing her mind / has a broken heart / hasn't slept for days. Now get out of my face.
Do you want a drink? Yes I want a drink. From the bottle. Fetch.
It will pass. Yes, it will. But right now I feel like it won't. Ever.
Don't give her chocolate cake. Don't ever, EVER say this to the mother of a child who is OBSSESSED with chocolate cake. They can have it even if it only brings five minutes of happiness before they throw it back up again.
Are you still going out tonight? What do you think??
However, these are things you MAY say to the mother...
When your child is well again, I'm taking you out to get drunk.
Here is a diamond ring.
I've cooked, cleaned, washed and ironed for you.
You've lost weight.
You are an amazing mum.
Keep your head.
You're strong and brilliant, even when you don't feel it. Promise. (Thanks, Emma)