Things you don't say to the sleep deprived, delirious mother of a sick child.

You look tired. Just don't. Ever.

You can't protect them from everything. No. But I can fucking well try.

It's not the nursery's fault. Regardless, I need someone to blame.

You should eat something. Mate, I'm full up from all that exhaustion and all I can taste is vomit and shit. I'll eat when I'm ready.

Why don't you have a nap? If I wanted a nap I'd be sleeping right now. I have a shit load of washing to do. No pun intended.

Calm down. Don't.

I'm ill / I feel rough / I think I've got it. Not interested. Try being a little person and being sick or the mother of that sick child who is slowly losing her mind / has a broken heart / hasn't slept for days. Now get out of my face.

Do you want a drink? Yes I want a drink. From the bottle. Fetch.

It will pass. Yes, it will. But right now I feel like it won't. Ever.

Don't give her chocolate cake. Don't ever, EVER say this to the mother of a child who is OBSSESSED with chocolate cake. They can have it even if it only brings five minutes of happiness before they throw it back up again.

Are you still going out tonight? What do you think??

However, these are things you MAY say to the mother...

When your child is well again, I'm taking you out to get drunk.

Here is a diamond ring.

I've cooked, cleaned, washed and ironed for you.

You've lost weight.

You are an amazing mum.

Keep your head.

You're strong and brilliant, even when you don't feel it. Promise. (Thanks, Emma)


  1. You're amazing. You know you are. Now it's technically lunch time so open that wine girl.

  2. oh, this is all so familiar! Hope Lilian is better soon x

    The best thing I like to hear when G is unwell goes along the line of: 'you know kids, they bounce right back!'
    I'm one of those people who makes herself believe in good news if I hear them often enough.

  3. I wish the person who told me 'I look tired' read this beforehand would of saved them a verbal lashing... :)

  4. "Chill out, she'll be fine" is my fave. How HOW HOWWWWW does the dumbwit who so kindly provides this nugget of information know this? I'm her mother it is my job to worry constantly from the first snot bubble until she is 18. Now let me do it in peace goddamit. (Yep, India's ill too)...