No, stop doing that / If you don't stop doing that I am going to lock you in the dog's cage.
Come away from there / Get the HELL away from there child.
Mummy says no / You're starting to get on my fucking nerves.
No you can't have that / Grab and it see what happens, GO ON.
No it isn't yours / But you can have some because I'm pretty damn sure it'll knock you out.
What's this silly tantrum for? / I'm five seconds away from showing you how to throw THE MOTHER of all tantrums.
Pick up your toys and put them away please / If I tread on one more building block I'm going to throw all of your toys out of the goddamn window.
Come and give Mummy a cuddle / Sit next to me and shut up.
Hang on, I'm just coming / I'll be there as soon as I've filled my wine glass up.
Do your gums hurt bubs? / Let me get the Nurofen, that should stop the whining.
You want Daddy? Daddy is at work. / I sure as hell wish I was.
Elmo? Elmo is still asleep sweetie / I've hidden those bloody DVD's because I AM NOT watching Elmo ANY MORE.
Ah that's a pretty drawing, on Mummy's important piece of paper / Just keep doing what you're doing while I go and take some Valium.
Motherhood: a test of ones patience, strength and sanity.