50 Shades of.... Fuck Off.

This whole Fifty shades business is getting out of control. I haven't read the books, I don't want to read the books. 'Mum porn' just doesn't appeal to me. I'm not a prude, I've watched porn before and I'll probably watch it again. And anyway, I rarely get time to paint my nails let alone read.

So this morning, while I was out getting more drugs to combat this fucking annoying prickly heat rash that is taking over my body, a mother came up to me with her young child and said excuse me, this is a really odd thing to ask you but...

I knew what was coming as soon as she opened her mouth.

Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey?

No I haven't, but a lot of my friends have and they have said it's really good.

Oh you just have to read it, it's amazing. I'm on the last one and I can't put it down.

Thank you for the recommendation. I need to go now so I can rip my skin off.

My husband keeps teasing me, telling me I should be doing things around the house not reading.

Haha, a woman's work is never done. Right? He sounds delightful.

I know, I'm allowed some time to myself to do what I want. I just get lost in the book. Apparently they are writing more and making them in to films.

Oh that'll be a box office smash then. Especially as Ryan Gosling is supposed to be playing the main character, so my husband tweeted me.

Yes. I'll be going to see that one.

Well thanks for recommending them to me. Bye.

And off I walked. The most random woman asking me the most random question.

It irritated me a bit. Ok, a lot. I don't walk up to strangers and push them to read what I'm currently reading (back on 'Buddhism for Mothers' after a tough few days).

If you're reading the series, great. Reading is good for your soul. If you're not, great. I hope you're enjoying what you're currently reading. Be it The Sun, The Bible or a trashy magazine.

Just leave me alone to read what I want.


  1. Haha brilliant ! I'm not on the bandwagon either and pretty fed up of hearing about it! I haven't had any strange women trying to push me into it yet though - weirdo!

  2. As someone who has tried to read the thing, I can confirm that it is (in my opinion anyway) a big pile of shite.
    Seriously the writing is AWFUL and "inspired" by Twilight my arse. It was basically Twilight to the letter with a bit of sex added in occasionally.

    In the end I gave up and skimmed ahead to the smut. Even that was disappointing. If you have to refer to a vagina as "the entrance to my sex" in an erotic fiction then why bother?

    Nup. I'm not a fan!