WAAAAAAH

Between feeding the little madam, winding her, getting her settled and getting the next bottle ready, I don't have much time. So I'm going to keep a mini diary for the blog and post it as and when until her feeds become less frequent and she doesn't demand my attention every minute of the day (she doesn't anyway, I just seem to be lavishing all my attention on her and neglecting my dirty black roots and eyebags).

So today is day 10 and my body is slowly adapting to the lack of sleep although I'm still in quite a lot of pain from the c-section. Husband is back to work tomorrow so have Mother and Grandmother on babysitting duties to make sure I do nothing all day. This is fine by me as after a rollercoaster week I'm ready to rest.

I've had the baby blues for the last few days which is something you don't really get told about. I've read about it but never really took much notice until it knocked me sideways the other day. I've thought about running away, moving away, locking the door and closing the blinds and dropping my phone down the loo, going to live with my Mum, screaming until I no longer feel down and ended up just crying and crying. It's awful. I'm so stupidly happy, I have this perfect little baby who I'm besotted with but I feel utter sadness. No reason. Just do. It's overwhelming, all these emotions and hormones on overdrive. For those pregnant or trying, be warned: you're going to feel absolutely horrendous for a few days. Maybe longer. Today was a good day for me but tomorrow might be a bad one...

It's 22:30 and she's been screaming for three hours. I think it could be colic as it's been going on for a few days now. I'm tired and ready to jump in front of a bus. He goes back to work tomorrow so it's not fair that he should deal with this. I tried to compromise with her - she shuts up and I buy her some toys. It didn't work.

As my best ginger friend says...fuck my life.

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