Baby-proofing.

What a bastard, huh?

After yesterday (Lil shut her fingers in a kitchen drawer), I screamed at my husband to get down to B&Q and buy everything necessary to stop it happening again. We knew we had to do it, she just never really spent a lot of time in the kitchen up until now when simply cannot leave her on her own for two seconds without her bashing her head or destroying everything in sight (books and DVD's are her thing).

So now not only is the kitchen baby-proofed, it's also fucking mummy-proofed. Today alone I have caught my finger in the drawer or cupboard six times. I've nearly yanked both my arm and the cupboard doors off more than I care to note (I'm stronger than I thought). It's going to take a lot of getting used to. And a lot of cursing and sore fingers...

Valentines guilt.

Yesterday, my husband pissed me off. BIG TIME. He upset me, massively. He told a lie and broke a promise. Lies I can just about manage but broken promises? Nuh uh.

So what did I do? What does a scorned woman do when her husband upsets her? She goes and orders half a new wardrobe on his staff discount card, of course.

I deserve something for his betrayal. He should be punished.

Only today I feel guilty. I, Charlotte, the ice queen who rarely feels emotion (unless it's regarding Lil, in which case I can't help but show it), feel guilty.

This isn't an emotion I'm acquainted with often. Except today. On Valentines day. So not only does he piss me off and upset me, without doing anything, he makes me feel guilty on VALENTINES DAY. I'm not going to apologise. I've done nothing wrong even though my conscience is telling me otherwise.

No way.

And I'll be damned if I take my pretty new clothes back.

Hell hath no fury like your wife, pissed off and jacked up on caffeine with your staff card details stored on her Topshop account (he's lucky I didn't take Anna's advice and order half the Mary Katantzou collection).

Learn your lesson, fool.

Science, dinosaurs and booze.

On Friday we met up with the super gorgeous Jolyne and her little cutie, Roddy, and hopped over to the Science Museum. I must admit, I'm not a massive fan of science but I'd heard good things about the basement for babies so we went to explore.

After making our way through herds of school children, we made it downstairs to what appeared to be a day creche of under 6's. Kid everywhere, urgh.

It was far too crazy to let Lil crawl riot so she sat and played with the giant Lego (much to Daddy's delight) and Roddy joined in.

After half an hour and a quick look around the History Museum, we found solace at the nearest alcoholic establishment (much to Lil and Roddy's delight).

I'd definitely recommend a visit to The Garden in the Science Museum if you have an under 6. Just be sure to dress them in armour. The kids in there like to play rough...

Things what I say.

This post was inspired by Alice.

Things I find myself saying on a daily basis:

Lilian, no. No, no, Lilian I said no. No, Lilian, no.

You're not allowed those, they're Daddy's, you have your own library over there. No, Lilian it's heavy, no, Lilian I said no.

Ahhhh are you stroking Monty? Nicely, gently, no don't pull his fur, ah nicely.

In your box, climb in.

Bubs stop sticking your finger in there.

Shall we have a cuddle? Ouch, no don't pull my hair. Ow ow ow, LILIAN.

Say baby Jake. Say Jakey. Say woof woof, where's the woof woof?

Where's Daddy? Where's monkeybum? Where's Raa Raa?

Pooooooo stinky feet.

Do you love mummy? Ah mummy cuddle. Give Mummy kisses. Ahhhh.

Say ooh ooh, monkey monkey. What's this? Beeb beeb, say car. Lilian where's the snake, sssssssssssssss.



I'm sure it's going to get weirder and funnier as she gets older.