Fugly cry face and gut sucking.

I'm done with the weekly updates now. I mean it's hardly going to get any better, at least until the baby arrives anyway. And then it'll get a different kind of worse, a good but bad one. You know what I mean.

I'm only going to get larger and more miserable as the weeks pass, whether it's because of SPD or general pregnant irritability at everyone or because my first baby is starting school in a matter of weeks (fugly cry face, Kim Kardashian ain't got shit on me). So I thought I'd stop all that. Instead, this week I've written a list of things I'll miss about being pregnant because as much as I've moaned about pregnancy, I'm totally gonna miss it. A bit.

Not having to suck in my gut. Wearing bodycon was never going to be on my list of things to do but pregnancy has allowed this and I like to think I've rocked that shit. Come October it'll be baggy tops over skinny jeans with my stomach tucked in until at least the spring and even that's ambitious.

The pregnancy card. Although giving back that card does open you up to a whole new card... The "sorry I can't I have a newborn / child I need to collect from school" card. Double whammy. And those hormones that are raging around your body, well those are newborn baby hormones which means you have an excuse for throwing the controls at your husbands head / demanding he goes to the Co-Op to you chocolate because you're so fucking exhausted. The joys of being a pregnant / post partum / woman in general woman. 

There must be more. Er...

Feeling the baby move? Nah, that's just gotten uncomfortable now and anyway, I felt Lil move in my uterus even after she was out. That was weird. Twitchy insides.

The long hot soaks. Ah yes, those. Like hell am I going to be able to manage one of those for a while. Unless the baby is a dream and free of colic / attitude and will let me live my life a bit during the day. I know, I'm wild. Baths are my life (after sleep and food anyway).

Excuse for a pedicure? Nope, as if any woman ever needed an excuse for one of those.

This is hard.

I'll miss eating as much as I have been. I haven't eaten toooooooo much this time or at least not that much more than normal because I've heard it's a bastard to shift the baby weight the second time round (hi Mum!) and yes I was one of those lucky smug fuckers who was back to their pre-pregnancy weight in 6 weeks with Lil (but in my defence I hardly ate because screamy baby / no food in the house / exhaustion / caffeine... a diet I'm hoping not to have to live on this time because that shit wasn't fun... Well I know I'll be eating exhaustion for every meal but... Whatever). Oh lovely food how I love you. Calories don't count when you're up the duff. I've totally contradicted myself there I'M PREGNANT I'M ALLOWED TO.

Sleep. Although this is a tricky one. I'm not getting much sleep because from the moment I get into bed there's a party in my uterus until the early hours but what I am getting is to sleep in on the weekends and those few extra hours (although there is nothing 'extra' about them really is there) help. Sleeping in on the weekends will be a thing of the past (again) for the next four or so years. I'm going to go and weep in the corner now. WHY do we do this to ourselves? I am totally fucking napping when the baby naps this time. No messing around wasting time watching her sleep or making bread rolls or cleaning. HELL NO. I ain't no fool (I am a bit of one to be honest). Contradicted myself again. Whatever. 

Being lazy. "I haven't done anything today because this baby is draining the life out of me and I'm so tired." Well she'll put an end to that one when she arrives won't she (not the tiredness, obvs). I won't have the excuse of not being able to touch sixty-shot flat whites. Nuh uh. Bitch, the world moves on so get over that shit, neck some coffee and get on with your day. Pffft.

So there are things I'll miss. Mainly sleep. This whole post should have just read "I'll miss sleep" and that's about it, really. I'm sure I'll be able to add to this once I give birth. 

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