I find myself full of regrets these days. As I watch my beautiful daughter grow, I regret not holding her for that much longer, leaving the chores and watching her sleep for half an hour more. I regret not embracing her monster tantrums, regret wishing she'd shut the fuck up whining. Why didn't I just roll with it? Why have I wasted time cleaning dirty dishes when those moments could have been full of fun and laughter? We have so many wonderful memories of this life we share, but what's a few more?
It's natural, of course, to feel this way. I often drown in mum guilt. And all I can do is cherish every second from now. Learn from my mistakes, embrace the meltdowns, leave the cleaning. Hold her so much tighter, love her even harder. Because this time is whizzing by and every second that passes breaks my heart. My little baby is no more, she's growing and growing and with every day that comes and goes she's getting wiser. To know that one day she won't need me so much, isn't that every parents worst nightmare?
Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time - Marthe Troly-Curtin
I've been thinking a lot about the future. I've always tried to stay in 'the now' but just recently the future has been providing an unwelcome distraction. If newborn - now has gone this quick, as quick as a bolt of lightening it seems, how long before I wake up and she's started school? Tomorrow? Her first crush, her first heart break. How long? Of course, there is nothing I can do about time. I cannot slow it down. All I can do is to no longer make time for things that don't matter and all the time I have, dedicate it more to laughter and fun. Amazing memories with my girl.