Feeling fat and feeling old.

Disclaimer: This post contains swearing. I wasn't drunk when I wrote it, in fact quite the opposite. If you take offence at the word 'cunt' then I suggest you quit reading and leave this blog. And also, I KNOW I'm not fat or old. THAT'S JUST HOW I FEEL.

Yesterday I went into a shop (if you follow me on Twitter you'll know what shop I'm on about but for the sake of my husbands job I probably shouldn't name names - he works for the group, you see) to buy a pair of jeans. I've bought jeans from this brand before and they've fit near perfectly and although they're not the best jeans around, they're affordable and good enough for running around after a toddler in. I wanted to replace a pair I'd ripped so I went in knowing exactly which size and style to head towards. The pair I'd busted have lasted me almost two years so it was a given I was going to get another pair from here.

So off I skipped to the denim section, picked up my size (I also went for the size below even though I knew they'd never fit, but I wanted to see how smaller I had to go in order to fit in to them... turns out it's impossibly small) and went to try them on. The result? Well, how can I put this politely? Hmmmm... utter fucking wank. The smaller size was even smaller than I remember and the size I normally wear were ok around the waist but ridiculously large in the leg. And I know I haven't lost inches because I have exactly the same style and size in a different colour. Hmpf. This brand, I'd decided (after years of shopping there and for a while, working there), was a massive pile of shit.

I sat down in the shoe area and looked around me. Teens floating around with their tiny waists and tiny boobs, picking up cropped tops and short skirts, the smallest of bikinis no doubt for their trip to the Balearic Islands. I felt fat and ugly and old. I looked further and saw clothes that I remember dressing in as a teen. Bodycon, cropped, tight tight clothes, mini's... this isn't the store I remember being in love with. Fast, high fashion that I loved and could afford. WHAT HAPPENED? WHEN DID I GET SO FAT AND OLD?

In a rage, I stormed out of the store muttering under my breath 'Mr X (Owner of the brand), you are a massive cunt.' WHY HAS THIS SHOP MADE ME FEEL LIKE A FAT, OLD TURD? WHY? Why is it full of tiny, pretty girls with shiny hair and perfect skin? Just because I'm a Mum and my tits sag now, doesn't mean I don't want to look nice. I still want to wear skinny jeans (although I have to tuck my muffin top in on a bad day) and sleeveless tees (bingo wings, anyone? pah, they're the new black init). BUT WHY CAN'T I GET ANYTHING TO FUCKING FIT ME?

And it turns out I'm not alone. Oh no. And guess who the majority of people who agree with me are? MUMS. That's right, MUMS. So do you know what I'm doing? I'm writing a letter to the brand telling them exactly what I think of their tight dresses and wank fitting jeans and exactly where they can shove them. I shall load it into a pigeons back (my husband) and have it delivered right to that fat old wankers desk (yeah, he will probably lose his job but I have a point to prove).

So please, if you have anything you'd like to add to my already long letter of what I think of this brand (come on ladies, don't act dumb... I think we ALL know who I'm talking about) then please leave your comments below.




17 comments:

  1. I think you should put the wine down, stop calling yourself fat and old and vote with your feet.
    There are other places you can buy fast, affordable fashion (you would have to ask @passtheginagain as I am old and shop in fat face) and they deliver to your door!!

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  2. Utter nightmare trying to buy my first post baby jeans in there. Was in tears. Try uniqlo. Amazing stretchy skinny jeans and free alternations so they're the perfect leg length too

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  3. Your not fat or old. You are beautiful.

    Philip Green is a cunt though. Tell him to pay his taxes while your writing the letter. Or kick him in the balls with your spiky shoes.

    This gives you an excuse to go out and shop proper. Find better shops.

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  4. I bought some leggings in there last month, wore them once and they already have a hole in. Add 'shit quality' to your list and get onto ASOS.

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  5. I don't even bother with Topshop anymore. For one it means I actually have to GO TO THE SHOPPING CENTRE (ugh) and a few months ago I bought that free next day delivery thing from ASOS (which I bloody love).

    Saying that, I bought these jeans in the sale: http://www.asos.com/Vila/Vila-Skinny-Jeans/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=2733470&SearchQuery=Vila&Rf900=1497&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=20&sort=-1&clr=Blue and loved them so much (they're mid-rise so I can tuck my tummy in!!) that I went back on to buy them in the same size from the same brand, a Small, but in black. When they arrived I couldn't get them past my knees, despite them being the same pair of jeans in the same cut? So then I bought a M and they wouldn't get over my bum. How can a pair of jeans from the same brand be sooo radically different?! ANNOYING.

    They redeemed themselves with this though: http://www.asos.com/ASOS/ASOS-Coat-in-Leopard-with-Button-Front/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=2249353&WT.ac=rec_viewed
    TWENTY QUID! Get in xxx

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  6. I don't go near it. Especially the big one in town. I feel inadequate and crappy and old and grey haired. It makes me nervous and sweaty and like I don't belong in there...
    I feel safer in H&M, COS, Uniglo and would you believe M&S!

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    Replies
    1. I am a big fan of M&S. Oh god, we really are Mums.....x

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  7. The proportions of the clothes are crazy. I'm not sure who their 'fit' model is but I fear they might only be 11. The shops themselves leave me with fear and out of my comfort zone. Then theres the prices which have dramatically gone up but then lets be honest I remember when they sold Dolcis shoes... xx

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    1. I'm pretty sure there fit model IS 11...

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  8. I don't know whether my tastes have moved on or maybe I've just become too old and out of touch but there hasn't been anything I've wanted to buy from there in the last three years. I also find it impossible to navigate their shop floor with a buggy (not found this a problem in many other clothing shops, funnily enough) and on the occasions that I HAVE set foot in there with a buggy, the staff have made no effort to move out of the way so I can get past, and just generally acted like I was a massive inconvenience being there with a buggy.

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    1. I get the buggy thing in every store, even Mothercare. it makes my blood boil. And yeah, the staff are a massive problem. Attitude x

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  9. The list of things I hate includes Topshop and teenagers. All shittington!

    Kate x
    Just Pirouette and Carry On...

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    1. What do we do when our kids hit teenage years? TELL ME THIS? Lock them in Topshop until they turn 20? x

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  10. haha i feel that way sometimes too. then i go straight to the gym, ugh!

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  11. I have pretty much given up on Topshop, I despise going in to the shop and I refuse to pay the p&p online.

    There should be some sort of law that if something is labelled a size 12, it is a generic size everywhere. Today I received a maxi skirt I ordered from a shop on eBay that was supposed to be a size 12/14. I'm a size 12 and I couldn't get it over my thighs, and this is supposed to be a stretchy, comfortable skirt!

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  12. I have hardly ever shopped in Topshop as their quality vs price equation always offended me. Same for Reiss and French Connection.

    Uniqlo has always been a good one for my basics and on and off Gap. Having said that, my jeggings from Uniqlo are a mystery. I range from Small to Large in the exact same model depending on the colour! How fucked up is that?



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