It's been one helluva year so I thought I'd write you a letter with a few suggestions of what I'd like to find in my stocking 'cause, let's be honest, i've been pretty fucking tolerant and well behaved compared to the last few years...
So pretty please, this is what I'd like...
1. All of Lil's teeth, in her mouth by Christmas morning.
2. Diamonds. Big, fat, shiny diamonds.
3. Lots of lovely new clothes. Mine are falling apart/don't fit/look stupid.
4. For this to be an amazing Christmas with zero stress. I'm already stressing like a mother fucker and it ain't fun.
5. For 2012 to be full of laughter and love and smiles and pedicures and flowers and sweets and candy floss etc etc.
7. Help embracing my inner whore. I know she's in there somewhere but I think she's gone all shy on me.
8. Shoes. Lots of shoes.
9. For the internet to stop crashing EVERYTIME I'm half way through a food shop.
10. For my c-section scar to stop hurting. I really don't need reminding I've had a baby. She does that all by herself.
And last but not least, Santa, I want some nice new pert tits to replace my droopy Mum tits. Whaddaya reckon? Oh and some Botox please cause the last lot didn't work.
Thank you Santa.