Disclaimer: This post contains swearing. I wasn't drunk when I wrote it, in fact quite the opposite. If you take offence at the word 'cunt' then I suggest you quit reading and leave this blog. And also, I KNOW I'm not fat or old. THAT'S JUST HOW I FEEL.
Yesterday I went into a shop (if you follow me on Twitter you'll know what shop I'm on about but for the sake of my husbands job I probably shouldn't name names - he works for the group, you see) to buy a pair of jeans. I've bought jeans from this brand before and they've fit near perfectly and although they're not the best jeans around, they're affordable and good enough for running around after a toddler in. I wanted to replace a pair I'd ripped so I went in knowing exactly which size and style to head towards. The pair I'd busted have lasted me almost two years so it was a given I was going to get another pair from here.
So off I skipped to the denim section, picked up my size (I also went for the size below even though I knew they'd never fit, but I wanted to see how smaller I had to go in order to fit in to them... turns out it's impossibly small) and went to try them on. The result? Well, how can I put this politely? Hmmmm... utter fucking wank. The smaller size was even smaller than I remember and the size I normally wear were ok around the waist but ridiculously large in the leg. And I know I haven't lost inches because I have exactly the same style and size in a different colour. Hmpf. This brand, I'd decided (after years of shopping there and for a while, working there), was a massive pile of shit.
I sat down in the shoe area and looked around me. Teens floating around with their tiny waists and tiny boobs, picking up cropped tops and short skirts, the smallest of bikinis no doubt for their trip to the Balearic Islands. I felt fat and ugly and old. I looked further and saw clothes that I remember dressing in as a teen. Bodycon, cropped, tight tight clothes, mini's... this isn't the store I remember being in love with. Fast, high fashion that I loved and could afford. WHAT HAPPENED? WHEN DID I GET SO FAT AND OLD?
In a rage, I stormed out of the store muttering under my breath 'Mr X (Owner of the brand), you are a massive cunt.' WHY HAS THIS SHOP MADE ME FEEL LIKE A FAT, OLD TURD? WHY? Why is it full of tiny, pretty girls with shiny hair and perfect skin? Just because I'm a Mum and my tits sag now, doesn't mean I don't want to look nice. I still want to wear skinny jeans (although I have to tuck my muffin top in on a bad day) and sleeveless tees (bingo wings, anyone? pah, they're the new black init). BUT WHY CAN'T I GET ANYTHING TO FUCKING FIT ME?
And it turns out I'm not alone. Oh no. And guess who the majority of people who agree with me are? MUMS. That's right, MUMS. So do you know what I'm doing? I'm writing a letter to the brand telling them exactly what I think of their tight dresses and wank fitting jeans and exactly where they can shove them. I shall load it into a pigeons back (my husband) and have it delivered right to that fat old wankers desk (yeah, he will probably lose his job but I have a point to prove).
So please, if you have anything you'd like to add to my already long letter of what I think of this brand (come on ladies, don't act dumb... I think we ALL know who I'm talking about) then please leave your comments below.
Mothers Day, Yo.
Mother's Day is just around the corner (March 10th if you didn't already have it circled) so I thought I'd share some interesting statistics with you.
My first Mothers day was pretty uneventful and I must admit I spent the majority of the day sulking as my husband favoured his own mother over the mother of his child. Tut tut. This year, however, we'll be in New York so I'm quite sure it'll be tons better. And we'll be taking a whole load of photos seeings as last year all I got was one picture on my iphone and it would seem I'm not alone... Almost three out of four of us Mums make a point of taking photos of ourselves with our children on Mothering Sunday, while more than one in five wish that they took family pictures at this time each year, according to a survey run by 23snaps.
To me, Mothers day is even more special now I'm a Mum. Lots of people see it as a way for companies to make money, like Valentines Day, but I feel as though this day should be celebrated because so many Mother's work super hard all year and rarely get the thanks they deserve. So although I'm totally biased, I'm down for it one million percent.
Us Mums don't require anything fancy, it's the thought that counts (are you reading this, Dads?). 77% of us would choose a day our with the family over expensive gifts and 11% of mothers would simply prefer to be pampered at home with breakfast in bed. Both sound pretty good to me! 8% said that their ideal Mothering Sunday would involve their baby daddy, or the grandparents, taking the monsters so they could have a day to themselves and 3% said they’d prefer nothing special, and they treat Mothering Sunday the same as any other day.
Whatever you get up to this Mothers Day, be sure to capture it on camera.
23snaps is a photo sharing app for parents, designed by parents. It's a great (and safe) way to record photos and videos and share them with your loved ones.
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My first Mothers day was pretty uneventful and I must admit I spent the majority of the day sulking as my husband favoured his own mother over the mother of his child. Tut tut. This year, however, we'll be in New York so I'm quite sure it'll be tons better. And we'll be taking a whole load of photos seeings as last year all I got was one picture on my iphone and it would seem I'm not alone... Almost three out of four of us Mums make a point of taking photos of ourselves with our children on Mothering Sunday, while more than one in five wish that they took family pictures at this time each year, according to a survey run by 23snaps.
Forward facing all day long.
To me, Mothers day is even more special now I'm a Mum. Lots of people see it as a way for companies to make money, like Valentines Day, but I feel as though this day should be celebrated because so many Mother's work super hard all year and rarely get the thanks they deserve. So although I'm totally biased, I'm down for it one million percent.
I hate the 80's: me and my Mama
Us Mums don't require anything fancy, it's the thought that counts (are you reading this, Dads?). 77% of us would choose a day our with the family over expensive gifts and 11% of mothers would simply prefer to be pampered at home with breakfast in bed. Both sound pretty good to me! 8% said that their ideal Mothering Sunday would involve their baby daddy, or the grandparents, taking the monsters so they could have a day to themselves and 3% said they’d prefer nothing special, and they treat Mothering Sunday the same as any other day.
Whatever you get up to this Mothers Day, be sure to capture it on camera.
23snaps is a photo sharing app for parents, designed by parents. It's a great (and safe) way to record photos and videos and share them with your loved ones.
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This is not a sponsored post. We use 23snaps and absolutely love it. Go find out more about the app here.
MM: THE PIZZA WORKSHOP
Hands up who has problems getting their kid to eat? (MY HAND IS UP) Well then this is for you...
Mothers Meeting and Betsy’s Mum have teamed up with Soho House Group to bring you THE PIZZA WORKSHOP at the fab and snazzy Pizza East Kentish Town.
The workshop has been specially designed by nutrition experts at Betsy’s Mum. Parents will learn an abundance of useful nutritional advice, which can be used within your day to day culinary routine, without having to feel that you rehearsing for a role as Nigella in a soup kitchen.
The little ones will be invited to make as much mess as possible whilst they get to create their very own Pizza Masterpieces – topped with all the best, nutritional and seasonal ingredients, obviously!
Places are extremely limited Mamas, so you MUST RSVP ASAP to jenny@mothers-meeting.com
PIZZA EAST, KENTISH TOWN
26TH FEBRUARY – 10AM
£10 PER CHILD / £15 PER ADULT – PAY ON THE DAY
26TH FEBRUARY – 10AM
£10 PER CHILD / £15 PER ADULT – PAY ON THE DAY
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