Then I met Tim and everything started to slow down. Things felt a little calmer.
Lovely calm garden. Except there are fucking spiders EVERYWHERE.
When Lil came into our lives, everything felt fraught again. Even when she was calm, I was still fretting over every little thing. Some silly, some totally relevant. Our lives, our little family, it's been full of drama too. I'd hoped that it all would become irrelevant but what can I say... we both have families who thrive on drama! So, the seaside was going to be our chance to slow everything down. For us to breathe and be calm. I'd be lying if I said it was both of us who needed to stop being neurotic and hot headed. I'm fully aware I can be nutty. But we have to work on this together, because what was and is the most important thing in the world is Lilian. Providing a calm and happy environment for her to grow up in. Regardless of my relationship with her father, we agreed that no matter what happens we'll try to keep things as calm and sane for her as we can.
Reflecting. I hope. On how naughty she has been lately.
Am I going off on a tangent? No dramas.
Have we found calm? We are on the right path. I was naive and thought we'd move here and it would all just melt away. It felt like that for a while but then reality kicked in and the honeymoon period wore off. It's hard, life. Whether you're embroiled in drama, create it or avoid it there is no getting away from it. All we can do is work hard to find calm, remove ourselves from unsavoury situations and stay positive.
I'm positive I'll find my ideal calm, once I've shhsed my anxieties and pushed any drama to one side. And once Lil pulls herself out of this terrible two's funk. Oh the drama...