I've been writing this post in my head for a few weeks now and decided Suzy said it better than I ever could.
I never breastfed Lil. It was always the plan, I think. I remember recoiling at the thought of doing it when I was carrying her but some days when I wasn't incessantly bitching about being pregnant, looking forward to trying. It never happened, I was too much of a wreck after her birth and then BAM, post natal depression. There was no way in hell it was happening.
With Ember, I was curious. Wondered if I'd be the same after having her as I was with Lil but of course you can never have the same birth twice. The midwife just put her on my boob while I was in recovery and I remember thinking "is that it?". No searing pain, no screaming in agony to get the baby off me. I don't know why I thought it would be hell, perhaps because I've read some breastfeeding horror stories, but I guessed I at least deserved to have an easy time of it after such a traumatic birth experience the first time round. And I think it's helps my baby number two is super chilled out, most of the time.
I was worried I'd come across as sounding smug, and maybe I do, but breastfeeding has come so easily to us. Although there was this one day, the day after I came out of hospital, where it felt like shards of glass were being sucked out of my nipples and I cried really hard in pain and made Tim go to Asda at 2am to buy formula because "I can't fucking do this, it hurts so bad I think I'm going to die" and of course Ember vommed it all up and screamed because it wasn't booby goodness (although I'm well aware there is goodness in formula too, I have a very strong and bossy four year old to prove it). And then the midwife came round and told me to try nipples shields and after that everything was just grand again. Now it's just like breathing, I do it automatically without even thinking about it. The hardest bit about it all has been deciding what to wear everyday and finding accessible clothes because nursing clothes are fucking hideous but I'm getting there (and yes I've seen Dress Like A Mum but I can't pull off dungarees the whole time I'm eating a packet of biscuits everyday).
(I was going to insert a subtle breastfeeding photo here but remembered the internet is full of perverts so thought better of it.)
So I guess this is a written pat on the back (or boobs) to myself. Because I have a baby my body is helping to grow and it feels pretty amazing. It's something I never thought I'd achieve and while to some it may not seem much of an achievement, to me it means the world.