What not to say to a pregnant Mother

"Are you sure there is just one in there?" Do ya know what? Yes I am fucking sure. I mean, unless I'm actually BLIND, I definitely saw just one baby in there and I've been told there's only one by a MIDWIFE, no less.

'You look huge." There's a baby in there as well as all the shit that was in there before I was pregnant, I'm only going to get bigger and more uncomfortable which means more irritable too. Don't piss me off.

"Should you be eating that?" I shall eat whatever the hell I want, my body is working its socks off to grow this baby and if it wants half a cheesecake followed by a jar of pickled onions then it can damn well have it.

"You're not having a great time are you?" No, I'm not. But you don't need to tell me that. I'm only the one carrying this baby, it's my vagina that hurts, my boobs that are leaking, my pelvis that crunches every time I turn over in bed, my legs that feel like they're going to fall off, my piles that are my new BF...

"You're so mumsy" (this one is also for the 'what not to say to a mum' list). JUST DON'T. Damn right I'm mumsy, I'm a Mum... it fucking figures.

"Oh god, you have ages left." And you're going to have a black eye in a minute. I do not need reminding that I have a way to go yet, I am carrying this lump and I have a calendar.

"I'm tired." Are you? ARE YOU? Like, REALLY tired? *crazy eyes face*

"What's for dinner?" My fist.

Probs best you just don't talk to a preggo, to be honest.

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