Week 21

This week hasn't been much different to last. I had to go back to the doctors on Monday as the mastitis wasn't getting any better and it turns out I have an abscess and the antibiotics I was prescribed weren't strong enough. I'm half way through this course now and hopefully come next week it'll be completely cleared, I don't much fancy having it drained.

We also had my 20 week scan which showed everything to be as it should. The baby is measuring correctly for 21 weeks and this time decided to stay still long enough for a decent picture.

My tolerance levels this week are very low. I'm super agitated all the time and cannot be bothered to speak to anyone, I don't know if it's the SPD that's making me ratty. Perhaps it the sciatica or maybe even the fucking mastitis. Can you tell I'm in 'woe is me' mode? I just can't deal with people this week, I'M IN TOO MUCH PAIN.

I'm hungry always (and it shows on the scales) and generally fly into a rage about the smallest thing. After three weeks of pure happiness some time ago, it's pretty annoying to feel this way but hopefully it'll pass soon enough. I think it's the boob thing that's making me feel super anxious, I still can't stop thinking about it being inflammatory breast cancer. I know it sounds ridiculous but my mental hormones won't slow down and my brain is whirring like crazy. I have stopped googling it though, which is a small victory, and I'm sure as soon as it's cleared up (I HOPE), I'll stop feeling like a mental woman. It's doing my head in.

No cravings and I don't really fancy anything in particular... just food. I never want what's for dinner though which is typical and I'm still off cooking. WHEN AM I GOING TO HAVE A POSITIVE WEEK?

I remember sitting down at 8 weeks pregnant and declaring, through the general fug of morning sickness and extreme exhaustion, that I want four kids and will happily do this again. Today, for the first time this pregnancy, I decided that actually... fuck this. I am not doing it again. Those first weeks of feeling gross are nothing compared to how I've felt these past two weeks what with boob and back and general undercarriage pain. "You said that before" is not a helpful retort. So far this pregnancy has been rougher than when I was carrying Lil. Lord knows I'm grateful to be pregnant again but it is so fucking hard, SO FUCKING HARD.

Please direct me back to this post when I tell you I want more babies. It is not going to happen.

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