Pregnant.

No, not me (do you really think I'm putting myself through that again? I thought you knew me better...)

Everyone else.

I'm obviously happy for them, having a baby is a wonderful thing. It's just making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Like it's a sign that I should be thinking about my next one. I know, Lil's not even seven months yet but it's like I'm sitting in a room full of pregnant women and I'm the only one who isn't trying or pregnant or even thinking about it. It's filling me with fear.

I don't want another baby (naturally, if I'm going to have another I'll adopt). I'm still traumatised by the pregnancy and labour of the first one. I sometimes have nightmares about it and quite often, flashbacks. My heart starts to race and I feel sick.

The thing is, I don't know if it's because deep down in my subconscious I really do want another.

Someone pass me a gun...