We've hit a stage where Lil likes to do just that....hit. And kick. I thought I'd witnessed the most exquisite of tantrums a while back but I was wrong. She proved to me on Friday that the best was yet to come. Wow, that kid can throw a strop. My past tantrums are nothing in comparison.
I've been told that this is the norm for 18/19 month olds. No wonder so many Mothers turn to booze. I think I've consumed more this week than I have in one month during the party season. And we know the party season is upon us so I dread to think the food bills over the coming weeks and not because I want to party.
So what else is to come? Come on, fill me in. A possible divorce?
Christ knows Lil's recent spell of naughtiness is pushing my husband and I apart. There is a whole lot of resentment going on over here as well as strained, unkind words. This kid certainly knows how to push our buttons. And lack of date nights aren't helping. We don't appear to want to spend time alone with each other which is marvellous.
Do you have any tips on how to come through this rough patch? How to not let my child defeat me?
Your wise words are very, very welcome...
Firstly, poor you! I feel for you hun, rough patches put a strain on everything in every single way. I must say your comment about mums turning to booze made me snort my tea out, as it's very true! Some days it's ok when wine o'clock comes around lunch time!
ReplyDeleteThe best thing I can advise is to take a breather and know it's only a phase she's going through, it's NOT going to last forever, there IS an end to her tantrums.
With regards to your husband, best advise I can give is to do everything you can to salvage things. Don't let it tear you apart or you will end up...apart. And that's no fun let me tell you. Force date night upon yourselves, whether you want to or not. You will feel much more together, no matter what happens afterwards. Much love, it will all be ok xx
For Lils behaviour devise a strategy you are comfortable with and then stick with it, consistency is the key. For instance if E (just 2) pulls hair then we warn her to stop, it hurts us and if she does it again we will put her down. If she does it again we put her down. I think it helps if you and T have same strategy but if not both of you need to be consistent with your follow thru.
ReplyDeleteThe second thing I would say is don't care what other people think for an easy life. For instance if E is having major tantrum in the middle of Tesco then I just stand there and wait for her to finish (as long as she is not actually impeding other people) rather than try to bribe or coax her out of it because of what other people may think.
As for Tim as Chloe says enforce date night even if you don't think you want to do it. Spending time together is important even if it's just sniping at one another. I've found making sure we have sex often helps, we tend to argue more when we are not having sex but not sure if other people find that!!! Oh also offloading on twitter helps.
If it helps you are not the only one going thru this and I am sure this is just a phase for you all. Hx
Arlo went through a really awful patch a couple of months ago (around 21-22 months). Tantrums what seemed like every five minutes, LOTS of boundary-testing. It was really tough going. Good news is that he seems to have come out the other side now. He still has tantrums, but not at the same frequency.
ReplyDeleteI second what HLR said. Reasoning or negotiating with a toddler is futile, just let her rage it out (in a safe place and away from sharp objects). As for the husband issue - mine is a lot less grumpy if he gets laid often! Men, go figure. (first just sit down and have a chat about how yucky the situation is but that you both know it's temporary and agree on how you'll deal with the tantrums so when they happen you both know what the plan is)
ReplyDeleteSo hang in there, it will get better! :)
You have my sympathy. Toddlers can be wonderful and dreadful little things who can easily drive a wedge between you. I would suggest you sit down together and decide what you want from Lil's behaviour so pick the things you want to change and then agree your strategy. Then and this is the most important bit, stick to it. Children pick up on inconsistency very quickly.
ReplyDeleteDon't threaten something unless you are prepared to see it through. And I always found that time out or naughty step was a good tactic with little ones. At that age they crave attention and time outs mean they lose out on that.
It might seem at times like Lil dislikes you because of the discipline you enforce but as she gets older she will be more loving, secure and balanced because of the rules and boundaries you've given her.
Be a united front with Tim, work as a team, it won't be easy but it WILL get better.
Sorry it's an essay! xx