I haven't had anything to say just lately, as you may have noticed. I fell in to a bit of a hole and stuff happened and I need to start finding a way out of it. The pressures of being a 'cool' Mum got to me, I guess, among other things. It's funny how you find it so hard to take your own advice on not giving a shit about what kind of Mum you feel pressured to be.
I often feel I'm not worthy of different labels such a 'cool' or 'inspirational'. After all, I don't work and juggle motherhood like so many Mums I know. I'm a Mum and that's about where it ends. I can't speak seven different languages and I don't have a degree (yet). I don't run a successful business selling clothes or work fourteen hour days as well as cook, clean and find time to hang out at the newest hip bar. I don't like being made to feel I'm not inspirational because I know I am. Maybe I only inspire Lil to be more creative but to me that's something big.
My Mum inspired me and still does, in so many different ways. My Nan inspires me too. She didn't work while she brought my Mum and Uncle up, but still she is a huge inspiration in my life. My Nan ran a tight ship and kept two kids and a husband fed and watered, she looked after me while my Mum went back to work. Two amazing, completely different women. Both inspirational. I'd still call them cool, too.
I guess my point is, as hard as it can be to not get sucked in to some crazy-arsed labelling system that mothers often create where if you don't work and look after your kids or you're not out partying every night, you're boring.
Lil can count to ten, knows half the letters of the alphabet and can string a sentence together and that's because of me. So really, I am inspirational. And cool (although you wouldn't think so now if you could see me...).
Don't pressure yourself to be somebody you're not or someone you think you should be. Every Mother is different and every Mother is an inspiration. To me, anyway.
So damn true my dear! I too feel crappy compared to a lot of the other mothers I know or know of even though I know I shouldn't. I don't know how the hell they get so much done sometimes. But you're totally right, ignore the labels and look at your gorgeous girl. Doing something right for sure.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a woman thing in general, no matter what stage of life we're at we always compare ourselves to others and find ourselves lacking (even though we're not!). And motherhood is just another reason to kick ourselves. I feel guilty every day for one reason or another - usually its either I feel guilty that I haven't got enough done (because I was playing with the kids) or I feel guilty because I haven't played enough with the kids (because I was getting stuff done!).
ReplyDelete"..I feel guilty that I haven't got enough done (because I was playing with the kids) or I feel guilty because I haven't played enough with the kids (because I was getting stuff done!)."
DeleteAmen to that sista!
And Charlotte my girl, you ARE cool and inspirational. I'm willing to put money on the fact that I'm not the only person who thinks so too. X
Ha, I read your post and was like 'oh shit' because my little girl (who is a few weeks older than Lil) doesn't know her letters or how to count to 10, I work full time and she is in a creche and I have major guilt that I don't spend enough 'quality time' with her or that she is missing out because of this. I agree with the previous commenter women, are too quick to compare themselves with others, I think we are all pretty amazing. You are an inspiration because you say what you are thinking instead of putting up pictures portraying your 'perfect life'. I love your blog and I follow a LOT of blogs. Ok back to work !
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you felt this way. It's a bit silly that these pressures and assumptions exist but it's important that none of us get affected by it. Zach is almost 3 and doesn't speak, so maybe that's cause I'm busy doing other stuff. No one is perfect.
ReplyDeleteI have a post sitting in my drafts not a million miles from this one. When I get around to editing it down (it's a bit of a rant) I'll post it. I think it's hard to keep your sense of self when you are essentially on your own (be it with a toddler) for a lot of the time. We mothers have a lot of time to think and mull things over and when things aren't going well I think it's easy to compare yourself to others, or an 'ideal' that doesn't even exist - I'm certainly guilty of doing that. I love your blog and your writing, you so often hit the nail on the head (as does Josie) - and I often compare myself to you and feel like I don't write so well or so beautifully honestly as you do. So there. You inspire me!
ReplyDeleteHaving met some really cool people in my life, I can tell you for an absolute fact that the coolest ones are those who just go about their business, content, happy and therefore incredibly inspiring, whatever that business might be. Mothering or creating a fashion collection or being a good friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm so bored of those who are self-proclaimed cool because they seem forever trying to live up to the label, often looking quite desperate in their attempts. Or at least in my view.
You don't need to 'be' a cool mum, just be who you are and you will be one. Or at least some days. Nobody is 'cool' all of the times. And in my opinion, that is just fine.