Ember

My decision to have another c-section wasn't an easy one really. I was all set to go for a water birth and was feeling quite excited about it but things don't always turn out the way you want them to, do they?

Walking Lil to school and back everyday is quite fun. we play games and have chats and no matter what the weather is doing I always make sure we make the effort to walk (most of the time, anyway) but as my pregnancy progressed through the final weeks I found the SPD got worse by the day. I'd dread it but as I don't drive it was the only option really, although as soon as I found my legs and hips giving way on the walk, I knew I was absolutely fucked in terms of a water birth.

I spoke with my midwife about the pain and how I was worried I wouldn't be very mobile during labour and although the water would help with the SPD, I was finding it near impossible to get in and out of the shower, let alone a birth pool. She was very supportive when I told her I wanted to book in for an elective section and the consultant signed it off two days later. Such relief although I was disappointed.

I arrived at hospital at 8am on the morning of the 12th October, anxious but trying very hard not to show it. The midwife looking after me was so lovely and assured me it would all be ok. I met the surgeon while I was having my obs done and told him I thought he smelt nice and then realised just how nervous I was to be cracking jokes with the man who was about to perform abdominal surgery on me, I was mortified.

Soon it was time to walk to theatre and I said goodbye to my tearful mother, rolling my eyes that she was getting emotional. This was going to be a walk in the park! Stepping into the exact room where Lil was born was pretty surreal, especially as I was drug free up until that point and could see it with a clear head. I tried not to look around too much, it was a pretty scary scene with all the machines and stainless steel. The scrubs nurse just happened to be the midwife who was with me when Lil was born so I knew that was to be a good omen for this time round.

After the spinal (for which I had to lie down for because I had a bit of a spazzy dizzy spell) I felt very relaxed but could feel just how anxious my husband was. The anaesthetist keep me distracted from what was going on over the sheet blocking my view and before I knew it I felt strong pushing down on my abdomen and within minutes I heard a shrill cry. My baby was born to 'Crazy in Love' by Beyonce and sweet jesus was I crazy in love. It all happened so quickly, never has an hour passed by as fast as that hour did. It was surreal, insane, emotional, scary, sooooooo relaxed. I had skin to skin and she breastfed straight away.

Born at 09:54 weighing 6lb 10oz

Ember Dorothy's birth was wonderful. Although I knew recovery would be tough, and it has been, we bonded right away and she is such a chilled out baby. I made peace with the traumatic delivery I had with Lil and have recovered way quicker than I did with the emergency c-section. Although her birth story is short and sweet, it was a very powerful experience.

If this birth has reminded me of anything, it's how wonderful the NHS is. Alright, a c-section isn't ideal for anyone involved but my decision (although in a way it felt like a choice I had to make) was the right one. I now have two beautiful girls and I couldn't be more proud of myself.

Total mum-boss.