Day One / No Booze: Discoveries.

If you haven't read my nonsense for a while, I'm going booze free in January. Today was day one and I'd be lying if I said it never even crossed my mind to have a drink. I wanted some rum in my hot chocolate at the seaside and as Lil goes back to nursery tomorrow (this for me is like her going for the first time really as she's only been once), my anxiety issues have reared their ugly heads again. What if she doesn't like it? How will I cope without my little pal for a whole day? My reaction to this would normally be to have a drink or two. Reaching for the booze when I'm feeling anxious is what I do which, now I've really thought about it, mortifies me. It would seem me and booze have a few issues we need to sort out and maybe I need to go back to the doctors to discuss these anxiety attacks.

What I was hoping was going to be light hearted fun raising money for charity has actually made me realise I have a few more problems than I cared to admit. I'm not an alcoholic, I'm pretty aware of the signs, but laying off the booze for a whole 31 days is going to be hard. It's my comfort blanket, something I hide under when times get tough. Without it, I'm naked (thankfully not literally, not yet anyway - off booze and back on the ol' 31 Day Shred... I aim to be pretty fucking buff at the end of these thirty one days). Now I have to show my emotions (or maybe I could just smoke some weed?) and deal with them, yippee-i-yay.

Ugh. Not the best start to 2013. I'm going to kick this problem up the fucking arse...