Lil's father said when I told him I was having a bad day.
He couldn't come home and help me, because he works full time in a big office full of self-important dickheads. His job is far too important and he cannot just leave. He is the one who pays for the clothes I'm sitting in (which are actually falling apart), he pays for the coffee I'm drinking and the food that sits uneaten in the fridge. He pays the for central heating that shouldn't really be on because it pisses him off that I have it on quite a bit (it's fucking minus 3 out). He cannot hear the desperation in his wife's voice, he cannot leave early. He makes the money, he is breadwinner and he bangs his chest. Anyway, he said, he will go in late tomorrow to give me some time back. What a guy!
I'm being negative aren't I? And quite harsh and nasty. Well do you know what? I don't fucking care. I'm having a bad day and I'm getting zero support from the man who wanted a child. That's not fair, I hear him whine. Ah so that's where Lil got her whining from. It all makes sense now.
Do any of you lot ever have days like this? Oh of course you do. You have vaginas, baby daddies and kids. I feel unappreciated. I feel like a robot. MAKE BREAKFAST GET DRESSED ENTERTAIN CHILD DO THE WASHING IRON CLOTHES CLEAN HOUSE HOOVER ENTERTAIN CHILD LUST AFTER CLOTHES YOU CANNOT HAVE CLEAN TIDY ENTERTAIN CHILD TIDY MAKE LUNCH MAKE DINNER SERVE CHILD AND HER FATHER I AM A MOTHER FUCKING ROBOT. Ohhhhhhhhh MATE.
What the fuck do we have to do to feel like we are ACTUAL human beings who deserve care and attention and pretty things? Somebody please tell me. I'm sick to the teeth of feeling like a servant and then when I moan about it... 'I don't ask you to do my washing and ironing...' Babe, say that again and see what happens. I dare you. Dare dare double dare. Go on.
I am grateful that I can stay home and look after Lil (most of the time) and thankful he suggested I do this degree and he'd continue to 'provide for me'. I really am. I have zero income, I don't get paid to do my job (because let's face it, being a mother is a job a lot of the time) although men think them 'providing' for us is our salary. NEWSFLASH: it ain't.
So I find myself in a not very nice predicament. I'm sick of having no money, of having a wardrobe that is three quarters empty. I don't need to do this degree, it's a luxury - totally. Another luxury I am grateful for. But I want to feel alive again, not feel like a piece of machinery HAVE A SHOWER CLEAN THE KITCHEN PUT CHILD TO BED TIDY IRON. As much as it would be amazing to study again, study something I adore... a large part of me thinks going back to work and having some dollar in my pocket may save my sanity. Because as much as 'money isn't everything', it sure as hell makes you feel good when you can stroll in to a shop and buy that dress you like without your husband huffing and puffing, because it's your money you worked hard for.
I'm selfish, I know. But I'm only (a robotic) human.
On Fitness (and vanity)
I've made it no secret I joined the gym. The more 'likes' I get for my gym gear pictures on Instagram, the more motivated I become. If you favourite my tweet about spin class, I'm literally spinning. I CAN DO THIS! PEOPLE LIKE THAT I'M GETTING FIT, YEAH! I shout to myself in the mirror (lie).
But why am I doing it? Why do I sit on a bike for 45 minutes, trying not to vomit just to feel as though I've had five rolling pins shoved up my arse? Why do I swing weights round and round, trying not to knock myself out? Because I want to be fit? No. Because I want to be healthy? NO. Because I am vain.
But you're right, I'm not getting any younger and I can't just eat a pack of biscuits anymore without gaining half a stone and three inches around my waist. I can't walk around the block three times and burn 1000 calories like I used to. I have to work hard if I want the body of my twenty year old former self back, damn hard.
I go to the gym not because I want my bpm to be a good rate (I don't know what I'm talking about) but because I want all the twenty two year old boys in Ibiza to go PWHOAR. I want to step out of the shower and not feel my belly wobble (I wish going to the gym would tone my tits up, Jesus...). I want my body to be TIGHT.
At this point you've probably realised I'm one of the vainest people on the planet (you haven't met my little brother). Not true and a harsh judgement you've just made, shame on you. I do want to be healthy, I was only messing around before (lie) but I also want to look good. Having a baby has knocked my body confidence a bit (might have something to do with chocolate hobnobs too), but I'm determined to build it back up again for the summer. I CAN DO THIS.
She writes, eating a bagel and dreaming of all the crap she's going to scoff in New York...
But why am I doing it? Why do I sit on a bike for 45 minutes, trying not to vomit just to feel as though I've had five rolling pins shoved up my arse? Why do I swing weights round and round, trying not to knock myself out? Because I want to be fit? No. Because I want to be healthy? NO. Because I am vain.
She's so vain, I bet she thinks this song is about her....
But you're right, I'm not getting any younger and I can't just eat a pack of biscuits anymore without gaining half a stone and three inches around my waist. I can't walk around the block three times and burn 1000 calories like I used to. I have to work hard if I want the body of my twenty year old former self back, damn hard.
I go to the gym not because I want my bpm to be a good rate (I don't know what I'm talking about) but because I want all the twenty two year old boys in Ibiza to go PWHOAR. I want to step out of the shower and not feel my belly wobble (I wish going to the gym would tone my tits up, Jesus...). I want my body to be TIGHT.
At this point you've probably realised I'm one of the vainest people on the planet (you haven't met my little brother). Not true and a harsh judgement you've just made, shame on you. I do want to be healthy, I was only messing around before (lie) but I also want to look good. Having a baby has knocked my body confidence a bit (might have something to do with chocolate hobnobs too), but I'm determined to build it back up again for the summer. I CAN DO THIS.
She writes, eating a bagel and dreaming of all the crap she's going to scoff in New York...
GIVEAWAY: The Bright Company - CLOSED
Did you read about The Bright Company?
Well IOSWYT has teamed up with them for a fab giveaway!
Well IOSWYT has teamed up with them for a fab giveaway!
To be in with a chance of winning something from The Bright Company, enter below...
Good luck!
The Bright Company
Up until a few months ago, what your kid wore to bed was irrelevant. But all that changed when The Bright Company went live. Boy did it change. Kids all over the country were snapped in amazing, bright pyjamas from Twitter to Instagram and on blogs everywhere. No more high street crap. This amazing new brand had landed.
So what is TBC all about?
'We’re called The Bright Company because we believe in bright young things with bright futures... in kids being kids and having clothes that work, are warm and easy to move in. Our sleepwear products are designed to fit the needs of children’s movement for their stage of development.
Colour and print is very important to us. We will never use any generic or ‘traditional’ baby style prints such as tractors for boys or butterflies for girls. We don’t like pastel pink or blue, we like strong block colours. We believe that kids shouldn’t be stereotyped by being dressed in gender-typecasting clothes; for this reason our whole collection is unisex.'
'The Bright Company is owned and run by Alienor Falconer, who founded the business in the summer of 2012 after having spent 6 years in the fashion industry as a product developer, most recently for the leading British fashion label Paul Smith. Keen to promote British industry herself, Alienor and The Bright Company work exclusively with UK-based partners in print and production.'
Ali started the company after having her son, Corwin, and getting frustrated with endless isles of boys and girls clothing and sleepwear. She couldn't understand why they needed to be separate and why so much of it was such insipid colours. It's Ali's vision that we can have beautiful prints and colour on the sleepwear for our babies just as we would choose for ourselves.
There is a lot in the pipeline for TBC, including blankets and sleeping bags next season as well as sleepsuits and bundlers. Ali and TBC would also like to produce bedding and expand their size ranges and style offerings (yesssssss adult sizes please Ali!). So the future of TBC looks bright (sorrrrrrrrrry), I can't wait!
Here is what she has to say about Motherhood...
NAME Alienor
OCCUPATION Company Director, Mother
WHAT DID YOUR LIFE CONSIST OF BEFORE YOU BECAME A MAMA?
Professionally I worked for Paul Smith as a footwear product developer, so I spent a lot of time making lovely shoes, travelling the world to factories and trade shows. Personally I went out to bars and restaurants and saw all my lovely friends loads and had money!
HOW HAS BECOMING A MOTHER MADE YOU A BETTER PERSON?
Patience! I was seriously impatient before, I guess my job didn't help, but Corwin has taught me great patience which I really value.
ASIDE FROM CONCEALER, WHAT CANT YOU LIVE WITHOUT NOW YOU HAVE A CHILD?
My iPhone, it keeps me connected now I'm not sat at a computer all day
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE A FIRST TIME MUM?
Where to start! Enjoy it, those days when they will only sleep on you seem long but the months are short and soon enough they are a toddler who screams when you try to kiss them goodnight!
HOW HAS YOUR WARDROBE CHANGED SINCE HAVING A BABY?
I wear so much more jersey, everything I've brought since Corwin was born is so much more casual than my previous wardrobe. I have a wardrobe full of beautiful designer clothes which I daren't wear around Corwin but that make me feel too dressed up when I wear them out without him.
CAKE OR BISCUITS?
What kind of a question is that?! Both.
WHAT OR WHO INSPIRES YOU?
Every mamma I've met is an inspiration in some way, each of us is doing the hardest job in the world and trying to keep it sane!
DO YOU HAVE ANY SECRETS OR TIPS TO MAKING MOTHERHOOD THAT BIT EASIER?
Um no! make the most of the time that they sleep to do things for yourself.
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