Sickness and studying.

Since Lil started nursery in December, she has only come home twice and not been sick in the days that follow. That's a lot of sickness and a lot of money spent on fees. Like Drea, I'm unsure on what to do. The day that she goes to nursery is a day when I can get lots done, especially now I'm studying. One whole day means a gym class and a whole assignment written and that's a lot of work achieved in eight hours.

From what I can gather, she enjoys nursery and it's great that she can socialise with other children but when she comes home with a cold or a cough, it often means that within a few days I wake up sick too. The sleepless nights that go hand in hand with sickness are excruciating. My brain fails to work which means even when she's napping (which is hardly ever now, she's naturally dropped her afternoon nap) I find it hard to study. And to be honest, I look forward to Wednesdays for the peace. It's just what happens in the days following that fill me with dread.

Sick day

Lots of Mums have said that after six months or so at nursery their immune system is stronger from all these bugs that are picked up. But I don't have the time or the energy (or even the patience) to deal with this week in, week out. If I'd have known this was going to be the case then I wouldn't have started this degree. So what do I do?

I have lots of ideas and plans floating around in my caffeine and tylenol fuelled brain, I need to focus and work out how I'm going to find time to study with her at home. I have to get organised and write a timetable. Ugh timetables, my worst nightmare. But we're gonna need some structure if this is going to work. I feel sad because her nursery is so lovely but it just isn't working out right now. Ah it's never simple is it?

Feeling fat and feeling old.

Disclaimer: This post contains swearing. I wasn't drunk when I wrote it, in fact quite the opposite. If you take offence at the word 'cunt' then I suggest you quit reading and leave this blog. And also, I KNOW I'm not fat or old. THAT'S JUST HOW I FEEL.

Yesterday I went into a shop (if you follow me on Twitter you'll know what shop I'm on about but for the sake of my husbands job I probably shouldn't name names - he works for the group, you see) to buy a pair of jeans. I've bought jeans from this brand before and they've fit near perfectly and although they're not the best jeans around, they're affordable and good enough for running around after a toddler in. I wanted to replace a pair I'd ripped so I went in knowing exactly which size and style to head towards. The pair I'd busted have lasted me almost two years so it was a given I was going to get another pair from here.

So off I skipped to the denim section, picked up my size (I also went for the size below even though I knew they'd never fit, but I wanted to see how smaller I had to go in order to fit in to them... turns out it's impossibly small) and went to try them on. The result? Well, how can I put this politely? Hmmmm... utter fucking wank. The smaller size was even smaller than I remember and the size I normally wear were ok around the waist but ridiculously large in the leg. And I know I haven't lost inches because I have exactly the same style and size in a different colour. Hmpf. This brand, I'd decided (after years of shopping there and for a while, working there), was a massive pile of shit.

I sat down in the shoe area and looked around me. Teens floating around with their tiny waists and tiny boobs, picking up cropped tops and short skirts, the smallest of bikinis no doubt for their trip to the Balearic Islands. I felt fat and ugly and old. I looked further and saw clothes that I remember dressing in as a teen. Bodycon, cropped, tight tight clothes, mini's... this isn't the store I remember being in love with. Fast, high fashion that I loved and could afford. WHAT HAPPENED? WHEN DID I GET SO FAT AND OLD?

In a rage, I stormed out of the store muttering under my breath 'Mr X (Owner of the brand), you are a massive cunt.' WHY HAS THIS SHOP MADE ME FEEL LIKE A FAT, OLD TURD? WHY? Why is it full of tiny, pretty girls with shiny hair and perfect skin? Just because I'm a Mum and my tits sag now, doesn't mean I don't want to look nice. I still want to wear skinny jeans (although I have to tuck my muffin top in on a bad day) and sleeveless tees (bingo wings, anyone? pah, they're the new black init). BUT WHY CAN'T I GET ANYTHING TO FUCKING FIT ME?

And it turns out I'm not alone. Oh no. And guess who the majority of people who agree with me are? MUMS. That's right, MUMS. So do you know what I'm doing? I'm writing a letter to the brand telling them exactly what I think of their tight dresses and wank fitting jeans and exactly where they can shove them. I shall load it into a pigeons back (my husband) and have it delivered right to that fat old wankers desk (yeah, he will probably lose his job but I have a point to prove).

So please, if you have anything you'd like to add to my already long letter of what I think of this brand (come on ladies, don't act dumb... I think we ALL know who I'm talking about) then please leave your comments below.

Thursday.

Mothers Day, Yo.

Mother's Day is just around the corner (March 10th if you didn't already have it circled) so I thought I'd share some interesting statistics with you.

My first Mothers day was pretty uneventful and I must admit I spent the majority of the day sulking as my husband favoured his own mother over the mother of his child. Tut tut. This year, however, we'll be in New York so I'm quite sure it'll be tons better. And we'll be taking a whole load of photos seeings as last year all I got was one picture on my iphone and it would seem I'm not alone... Almost three out of four of us Mums make a point of taking photos of ourselves with our children on Mothering Sunday, while more than one in five wish that they took family pictures at this time each year, according to a survey run by 23snaps.

Forward facing all day long.

To me, Mothers day is even more special now I'm a Mum. Lots of people see it as a way for companies to make money, like Valentines Day, but I feel as though this day should be celebrated because so many Mother's work super hard all year and rarely get the thanks they deserve. So although I'm totally biased, I'm down for it one million percent.

I hate the 80's: me and my Mama

Us Mums don't require anything fancy, it's the thought that counts (are you reading this, Dads?). 77% of us would choose a day our with the family over expensive gifts and 11% of mothers would simply prefer to be pampered at home with breakfast in bed. Both sound pretty good to me! 8% said that their ideal Mothering Sunday would involve their baby daddy, or the grandparents, taking the monsters so they could have a day to themselves and 3% said they’d prefer nothing special, and they treat Mothering Sunday the same as any other day.

Whatever you get up to this Mothers Day, be sure to capture it on camera.


23snaps is a photo sharing app for parents, designed by parents. It's a great (and safe) way to record photos and videos and share them with your loved ones.

This is not a sponsored post. We use 23snaps and absolutely love it. Go find out more about the app here.

MM: THE PIZZA WORKSHOP

Hands up who has problems getting their kid to eat? (MY HAND IS UP) Well then this is for you...

Mothers Meeting and Betsy’s Mum have teamed up with Soho House Group to bring you THE PIZZA WORKSHOP at the fab and snazzy Pizza East Kentish Town.

The workshop has been specially designed by nutrition experts at Betsy’s Mum. Parents will learn an abundance of useful nutritional advice, which can be used within your day to day culinary routine, without having to feel that you rehearsing for a role as Nigella in a soup kitchen. 

The little ones will be invited to make as much mess as possible whilst they get to create their very own Pizza Masterpieces – topped with all the best, nutritional and seasonal ingredients, obviously!

Places are extremely limited Mamas, so you MUST RSVP ASAP to jenny@mothers-meeting.com

PIZZA EAST, KENTISH TOWN
26TH FEBRUARY – 10AM
£10 PER CHILD / £15 PER ADULT – PAY ON THE DAY

NG Kids - learning and fun.

Who knew there was a cool magazine out for kids such as the National Geographic Kids mag?! When I found out about this, I squealed with glee. FINALLY something I could buy for Lil that wasn't plastered with CBeebies characters. Ugh. We could subscribe and I could palm it off as something just for her when really I was totally getting it for both of us.

NG Kids recently ran a photography contest for it's readers and out of the four categories, three of these were won by children from the UK. Pretty amazing huh?! Especially when thousands of kids entered, it would seem we're bringing up some budding superstar photographers.

'Sunset Staircase' by Ursula Baynes, 13, of Romsey, Hampshire - winner of scenery category

‘The Terrifying Mantas’ by Calum Holker, 11, of Richmond - winner of the humour category.

Said Jenni Gaskin, features writer at NG Kids Magazine: “Our readers had a real challenge on their hands because to even get to the international competition they first had to beat more than 2000 UK entries judged by singer Ronan Parke, former Newsround presenter Sonali Shah and renowned National Geographic photographer Reza.” 

The star prize of a trip to Washington D.C and a tour of National Geographic's headquarters was awarded to Isabella Barbaro from London who is just 11. This little lady has one hell of a career ahead of her, just look at her work...

'Dancing In Water' - Isabella Barbaro.

NG Kids magazine includes interactive articles on nature and the environment, science, space and world cultures as well as quizzes and puzzles, things to make and do.

Very kindly, National Geographic Kids is offering IOSWYT readers a discount on their subscription. Just subscribe here and get 35% off. Offer valid until March 1.

HAPPY READING!

This is not a sponsored post. Lil and I love reading and learning and we'll be subscribing for lots of learning fun.

Brain dumping.

Doesn't sound pleasant, does it?

My mind is whirling with one million different things every day: Cleopatra and how her character changed as the years went on. How to control my god awful child because the terrible two's are ruining my life. Things we're going to do in New York next month. Birthdays. Lil's birthday in particular. Nursery. How I need to go to the gym because it's a way to clear my mind and I feel shit if I don't go. Dr Faustus, the impossible play by Christopher Marlowe that I need to write a 500 word essay on. The summer, how I long for the summer. What to cook for dinner next week. My next tutorial. What we're doing at the weekend. How I can regain my social life, or at least some of it. What day is it?

And on it goes. Around and around. To the point where my body shuts down and I wake up with tonsillitis and brain block. I cant think past right now. I ache and I'm tired and I have two 500 word essays to write and a child to look after, and that child doesn't want to be good for Mummy. So I'm shutting down for a bit to reboot, clear my head and get better. To hopefully regain some control over the child who was spawned by the devil. HOPEFULLY.

Time.

You're told, as you cradle your newborn, to cherish every moment. And you do. Except when they're almost two and you find yourself in the middle of a moment, a moment you wish you could stay in forever, you realise that you didn't cherish every moment. Here you are wishing they were that tiny newborn again. Oh how my heart aches for my newborn Lil.

I find myself full of regrets these days. As I watch my beautiful daughter grow, I regret not holding her for that much longer, leaving the chores and watching her sleep for half an hour more. I regret not embracing her monster tantrums, regret wishing she'd shut the fuck up whining. Why didn't I just roll with it? Why have I wasted time cleaning dirty dishes when those moments could have been full of fun and laughter? We have so many wonderful memories of this life we share, but what's a few more?

It's natural, of course, to feel this way. I often drown in mum guilt. And all I can do is cherish every second from now. Learn from my mistakes, embrace the meltdowns, leave the cleaning. Hold her so much tighter, love her even harder. Because this time is whizzing by and every second that passes breaks my heart. My little baby is no more, she's growing and growing and with every day that comes and goes she's getting wiser. To know that one day she won't need me so much, isn't that every parents worst nightmare?

Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time - Marthe Troly-Curtin

I've been thinking a lot about the future. I've always tried to stay in 'the now' but just recently the future has been providing an unwelcome distraction. If newborn - now has gone this quick, as quick as a bolt of lightening it seems, how long before I wake up and she's started school? Tomorrow? Her first crush, her first heart break. How long? Of course, there is nothing I can do about time. I cannot slow it down. All I can do is to no longer make time for things that don't matter and all the time I have, dedicate it more to laughter and fun. Amazing memories with my girl.

Just quickly...

I've managed to stop myself (just for a second) from drowning in a pool of toddler tantrums, uni work (I'm officially a student), worries and stresses (Lil's Dad leaves for LA in two days) and general rubbish, to say THANK YOU!

I'm tired.

Word on the street is you still enjoy reading what I have to write because I've been nominated in three categories for the MAD Blog Awards. Wow wow wow, thank you so much to those who nominated me! It means a great deal to know that you think I'm worthy of an award ('classiest wine drinker?', 'loudest shouter?') and I'm so happy that many of you can relate to my trials and tribulations and it isn't just me destined for the crazy house.

Thanks a million xxx