Reflection.

Best friends

It's hard to concentrate on the positives when the negatives often tend to take over your life. Sickness bugs, family dramas, a marriage that is on its last legs... But when you stop and really think of all the good times you've experienced over a year, the laughter and smiles, the memories, it's easy to see that the year has been great.

Chilling in Central Park

Dark moments and difficult times aside, I have had a great year. Lil turned one, she took her first trip to my favourite place in the world, New York, we holidayed in Ibiza and danced on the beach, we made new friends and reconnected with old ones, we spent time with family and made lovely memories, I enrolled to start studying at The Open University, Lil started nursery (traumatic for me), I partied hard, we raised over £500 for charity...

Partying as the sun sets

My hopes for the new year are similar to those from last year; to try and be more positive, don't sweat the small stuff, just say yes, be more spontaneous, drink less alcohol, exercise more. With a new year brings new challenges and I'm sure it'll be a hard one (when isn't it?!) but I'm going to smile through it and remember that not only do I have the most wonderful daughter, I have a wonderful family and some amazing friends too, as well as you beautiful lot.

Just bouncing around

Happy New Year, may yours be wonderful and full of happiness and laughter.

xxx

P.S As of tomorrow I'm off the booze, if you'd like to sponsor me you can do so here.

Merry Christmas.

Because I'm feeling quite mentally unhinged at the thought of Christmas (ugh, families / marriage / whiney kids / in laws / weight gain / hangovers etc) and have a mouthful of ulcers, I'm signing off for a week or so.

I'd like to say thank you to everyone who reads this blog and takes an interest in our lives; if it wasn't for you lot I'd have given this up a long time ago.

Happy Christmas, may yours be peaceful and merry. I wish you all a wonderful New Year, too.

Charlotte and Lilian xxx

Be real.

I've always had people telling me they can relate to this blog, whether it's a sweary post about the annoying times a toddler creates, a ranty one about feeling unappreciated by your baby daddy or an open-heart post, where I get all emotional. My blog was always going to be honest, I wear my heart on my sleeve (which is sometimes a problem for others). I do often wonder if I'm too honest at times, I'm not overly private, but there are things I do keep to myself.

I recently found out what my family crest motto is, 'Be real rather than seem'. My father is Scottish and out of curiosity to what our family tartan looks like, I googled our surname. This is how I found the motto I have been living my life by, without even realising. This motto was originally a war cry (sometimes it feels like I'm in the middle of a toy warzone... so it's quite apt!).

Reading other blogs, I'm often surprised at how perfect other people's lives are. Or how perfect they seem. Don't get me wrong, It's lovely to read about happiness and flowers and love, but it's also nice to know I'm not the only one going crazy after a tough week. I'm not the only one who swears, who sometimes feels like walking out. Who googles how long a divorce takes or other ways to battle depression.

What I'm trying to say is... thank you to all of you who read this blog. Thank you for the comments, the kind emails and the lovely tweets. I had a bit of a wobble a few weeks ago and thought about shutting it down but thanks to you lot, I'm going to keep writing about the good and bad times. If only to keep me sane!

Stay real, init xxx

Ps - Don't forget, you can sponsor me to go booze free in January here. Much love.

Bah humbug?

I want to feel festive, I really do. The tree went up on the 1st, I felt nothing. We've seen Santa and the reindeers, nada. Where is my Christmas spirit? WHERE GODDAMIT. It probably hasn't helped that Lil has been sick for the past almost two weeks (vomiting bug and a very bad tummy) but now she's on the mend, I'm trying SO HARD to feel Christmassy.

Stockings waiting to be filled with diamonds and shit

Christmas cocktails at the Momma Loves fundraiser 

Homemade decorations

Homemade Christmas cards from Lil's scribbles (this one looks a bit like a penis)

Reindeer at the local garden centre

Trying to make the house look more festive with fairy lights

My idea of hell: a family santa photo

You can't say I haven't tried! I've sang christmas songs and necked a lot of mulled wine. Help me out over here, what are you doing to get in the festive mood?

P.S Don't forget you can sponsor me to go booze free in January - come on Mama's, you know how hard this is going to be for me... 

January.

I've made it no secret I like a drink. I come from a family of people who like a drink too although I'm not sure that is a positive thing (I am not an alcoholic). But anyway, I digress.

I usually drink when I've had a bad day, when Lil has tested my patience or pushed all the buttons I don't like her to push, it relaxes me. I drink when I socialise too, but this has become less frequent since becoming a mother. Mainly because I really let go, like really, to the point where I stop being able to see. So those nights don't happen often.

January is a month for new beginnings, for diets and detoxes, new promises and fresh hopes. As I've got older, I stopped making New Years resolutions because by day three I'd break them. What I do want to do in the new year is cut down on how much I drink. 2013 is going to be the year I get my arse in to gear and start looking after myself. So as of January 1st, I'm cutting out alcohol for one whole month. And what better way to ensure I stick to this than by signing up to do it for charity.

I know a few (alright, a lot) of you have just spat out your coffee. As if she could go booze free for thirty one days... Well guess what, I can. And you can support me by donating here. 

Cancer is a massive bastard. I've lost people I love to this disease but I also love people who have fought it and won. I have friends who have lost those they love too and if you haven't been affected by cancer, I'm pretty sure you know someone who has.

So for one whole month, I'm laying off the Shiraz. No Champagne Thursdays. No quick swigs from the bottle at 3pm when Lil refuses to nap (I'M JOKING). I'll be swapping wine for water (dull) in the name of Cancer Research UK.

If I do this (and I will), I've worked out I can save over 5000 calories. Bitch gonna be skinny by February.

So say 'fuck you' to cancer and support me. Because I'm going to bloody well need it...

You can sign up to join me and be a part of the Dryathlon here.

Things you don't say to the sleep deprived, delirious mother of a sick child.

You look tired. Just don't. Ever.

You can't protect them from everything. No. But I can fucking well try.

It's not the nursery's fault. Regardless, I need someone to blame.

You should eat something. Mate, I'm full up from all that exhaustion and all I can taste is vomit and shit. I'll eat when I'm ready.

Why don't you have a nap? If I wanted a nap I'd be sleeping right now. I have a shit load of washing to do. No pun intended.

Calm down. Don't.

I'm ill / I feel rough / I think I've got it. Not interested. Try being a little person and being sick or the mother of that sick child who is slowly losing her mind / has a broken heart / hasn't slept for days. Now get out of my face.

Do you want a drink? Yes I want a drink. From the bottle. Fetch.

It will pass. Yes, it will. But right now I feel like it won't. Ever.

Don't give her chocolate cake. Don't ever, EVER say this to the mother of a child who is OBSSESSED with chocolate cake. They can have it even if it only brings five minutes of happiness before they throw it back up again.

Are you still going out tonight? What do you think??

However, these are things you MAY say to the mother...

When your child is well again, I'm taking you out to get drunk.

Here is a diamond ring.

I've cooked, cleaned, washed and ironed for you.

You've lost weight.

You are an amazing mum.

Keep your head.

You're strong and brilliant, even when you don't feel it. Promise. (Thanks, Emma)

Under my breath.

Shrek? Again? For the fifteenth fucking time this week? Ok darling!

Do you think you could not wipe your bloody snotty nose all over Mummy's new sofa? Let Mummy wipe your nose poppet.

Eat your god damn dinner or you can go without. Ok don't worry, Mummy will make you something else for tea.

Hit me one more time and I'll put mustard on your tongue. You mustn't hit Mummy, Lil. It hurts and it makes Mummy sad. Go on, do it again you little brat and I'll stamp on your toys.

Oh dear, you mustn't draw on Mummy's nice new cushion. Let's go and draw in your colouring book. Unless you want me to snap all your crayons in half?

Stop fucking whining. All you do is whine. I have a headache and I'm tired. Shut up whining. Oh darling what's wrong? Are you teething? Let Mummy give you a cuddle.

Daddy will be home in an hour. And then I'm going to get drunk.

Lilian get your head out of the toilet please. Unless you want me to flush you down it...

It's not even 10am and you've made a mess everywhere. I can't handle you today. Shall we put CBeebies on?

Oh Lilian, stop being silly. Not another fucking tantrum. Right, where's the Calpol?

AM I RIGHT?